We Love Nuns!

We represent the Law Society

2008-05-21T13:16:00.001+08:00

Okay let's take this as an appetizer to the main internship entry.

Last Friday, I was brought to the Supreme Court. One of the litigators at the firm was representing Law Society in a case before the Court of Three Judges.

For those who don't know the difference between a Court of Three Judges and a Court of Four Judges (something which doesn't exist) but vaguely suspect that it represents some kind of important tribunal, you are absolutely right.

See when a lawyer does something naughty, he will be subjected to disciplinary action. Punishment can range from a reprimand ("you bad bad boy/girl!"), a fine (a slap on the Rolex-ed wrist), suspension ("phew it's not that bad") to being struck off the rolls ("now this is bad!"). The more serious sanctions (suspension and striking off the rolls) can only be imposed by the Court of Three Judges.

Okay back to the case.

So my poor lawyer got the least enviable job of representing the law society against his own brethren. As if that wasn't bad enough, my lawyer was late for court that day. It was supposed to start at 10a.m., we arrived at 10.40a.m. And our submissions were not tabbed, which was unprofessional and most probably gave the judges a bad impression. And why weren't they tabbed? Because we were still printing and binding them that very morning. Why weren't they done earlier? Err.. search me.

So anyway, as my dear readers would have suspected by now, we didn't do very well for the oral submission. But considering the circumstances, that was perhaps inevitable. Out of respect for my lawyer, I shan't go into the details here (about how he got whacked and everything and how the other side couldn't wait to do him in and so on).

That's not the main point. The main point is I got to see CJ Chan and Andrew Phang in action! Oh wait, you say. Weren't there supposed to be three judges? Where's the other one. Err.. I think the other one was Justice Chao but I'm not too sure (shame on me yes). But you must understand, my friend, in appellate courts like this (though this is not technically an appellate matter), there will be a panel of judges. But not all will speak and make an impression.

Take the US Supreme Court judges for instance. Justice Scalia's known as the funniest and Justice Ginsburg the least so. Some judges rarely speak up during bench trial, some keep interrupting. And today, Justice Chao didn't speak up that much. I think he spoke a grand total of 2 sentences.

Nevermind about that, the CJ and Andrew Phang J were very entertaining on their own. I don't know where I got the impression but I always imagined Andrew Phang J to be a very gentle person, as a academic would usually be. But boy, he was shrewd! Appearing opposite us in court were the four errant lawyers. One of them, M, was represented by AV, a very prominent litigator. He once came to our school to give a talk and we had to wait about two hours for him. A very important man he is!

But the truth is: AV was really good at his trade. It was the kind of standard that you would see in movies or TV dramas and not at all boring or monotonous as it is in real life. But the CJ and Andrew Phang J saw right through it. The CJ was, of course, nicer and prompted AV to move on to other things when the latter kept harping on what a good hockey chairman his client was. Andrew Phang J, on the other hand, jumped right it and told him to, and I quote the wise judge, "stop muddying the waters". Man it felt good when the judge said it. It reminded me of something one of the law professors once mentioned in jest (or it could be one of the guest speakers, can't remember whom) that all litigators are liars and cheaters.

But regardless, AV was very entertaining. Many in the gallery probably went because of him. They all left when he was done. The other two lawyers and the lady who represented herself were less entertaining, even though yet to the point of being boring. I found the last defendant (the lady) most interesting because even though she was saying how remorseful she was, her attitude was telling a completely different story. She was like "okay, whatever" through the whole submission. I'm not saying that she actually said those words but that was basically her attitude. And as expected, the judges were not very impressed with her.

Even though our side did miserably, it was a real eye-opener for me. To see the CJ and Andrew Phang J in action was well worth the trip. And plus, I got to wear my Massimo Dutti and lug the Catalog Case (you know the bag that pilots and air stewardess lug around?). I probably looked the part. When we met a lawyer from the other side at the junction, I think he took me for an associate. And when passers-by look at me, I knew they had the look of envy and awe in their eyes. Okay, shall stop imagining these things haha.

So has this trial inspired me to become a litigator and chuck the corporate work? You know how funny it is that lawyers like to ask me what area of practice I want to go into later on and when I said corporate, they would usually give a nod of approval (real or imaginary) and seemed to be saying "just like what I thought". Why can't I do litigation? Okay this is a majorly silly debate. And the truth is: unless you are a litigator in a big firm, you are probably not earning a lot. The litigators in my firm are not doing that well. Corporate work, on the other hand, pays rather handsomely. And it is definitely less demanding than litigation. And according to CP, the wonderful mentor, I have a knack for corporate work. Doesn't matter if he was just being nice. I shall take it to be true!

Alright that's it folks. I'll blog about the other parts of the internship later. Maybe days later. Maybe weeks later. Maybe not at all. Tendency is towards option 3 at the moment. Heehee.

[Preview] I am an intern

2008-05-17T00:09:00.004+08:00

I am ending my month-long internship next week. It has been a fun experience. Not nearly as shitty as internships are supposed to be. I am also very well remunerated. To find out more, watch this space!

Forrest Gump

2007-06-28T21:27:00.000+08:00

Oh my God. It was such a GOOD movie!!! Can't believe I'm 13 years late (It came out in 1994). No wonder people kept talking about the character. For some reason, I always assumed it was something like "Army Daze". Dont' ask me why.

The thing about the movie is that it gives you a sense of hope and makes you believe in the goodness of life again. But it is depressing (some would say comforting) to know that some things just happen to you, even/especially if you didn't particularly ask for it. Forrest Gump knew nothing about football and yet he became an All-American football star and even got to meet the President of United States and had 15 free Dr Peppers. He didn't know what the Vietnam War was about and yet he came back with a medal. He knew nothing about the "shrimping business" and yet because of a promise he made to a dead comrade (and "best good friend" in his own words), he went into the shrimping business with the $25 000 he got from endorsing ping-pong paddles (oh ya he was a ping-pong star too and was part of the team to China during the ping-pong diplomacy). And because some Hurricane destroyed the whole shrimping industry and his boat was the only one surviving, he made it big in the shrimping business. He and his partner, Lieutenant Dan (who lost his legs during the goddamn war) even appeared on the cover of Fortune. Lieutenant Dan later invested in a "fruit company" whose stocks soared. Guess which company it is? Clue: Ipod.

And Forrest Gump had a childhood sweetheart who offered him the seat beside her on the bus when no one wanted Forrest to seat next to them cos Forrest was a dimwit and all. They were like peas and carrots until high school and in fact, all the way to college. Whenever the neighbourhood boys pick on Forrest (like throwing stones at him), Jenny, the childhood sweetheart would say this: "Forrest, run, Forrest!" And ran he did. In fact he ran so fast that he even got a scholarship to play football in college. Otherwise, there was no way he could have gotten to a college. In fact, his primary school principal didn't want to admit him initially cos his IQ was 75 and below normal. His mother had to give the principal sexual favours before he would agree. It was all very sad.

Jenny had a rough childhood. The father either beat her and her sisters up all the time or "touched them inappriopriately". The film didn't make it clear even though he sure as hell looked like a alcoholic with a bad temper. That was probably why she led a wild life for the better part of her life. She separated and reunited with Forrest a couple of times until finally she married Forrest when their son was about 5 (it could have been 7, I'm bad at gauging kids' age) and she was down with some terminal illness.

The first time Forrest told her he loved her she didn't believe Forrest knew what love was about. He probably didn't at that time. The second time he told her he loved her she said she loved him too and they had sex. It was quite nice. But she left the next day. The third time it was she who said she loved him and asked him to marry her. And she did love him till the day she died. It was all very sad and romantic. For some reason, I kept thinking Jenny was played by Keira Knightley. I mean she felt right for the character. Isn't that weird?

There is a saying in Chinese that goes something like this: Silly people have their own brand of luck. I think that's what happened with Forrest Gump. Be a little nicer to people around you, even those you would consider unsavoury characters. You never know how your life's gonna be changed by these people.

5 out of 5 popcorns for Forrest Gump.

Most gay Sony Cybershot commercial

2007-05-10T20:16:00.000+08:00

I'm not sure if any of you have seen the Sony Cybershot T100 (okay obviously you won't necessarily remember or take note of the model. I didn't. It came from research.) commercial, you know the one about a girl walking down a quiet lane and then suddenly there is carnival/circus thing going on. She whips out her Cybershot camera and tries to take a picture of this girl in pink outfit and later uses the inspiration for her fashion show. Okay she doesn't just take the picture of one girl; it's a bunch of girls. But the girl in pink is featured most prominently. And the song playing in the background goes "I've been waiting all my life...". So it's as if the camera girl's been waiting for the pink carnival girl all her life. Pretty gay hur?

Homophobic bigots!!!

2007-05-04T19:24:00.000+08:00

It surprises me how homophobic and illogical some of these people are. There is this guy who wrote in to Straits Times about how Minister Mentor's (what a crappy title by the way) comments about liberalising laws regarding homosexuality (he said that?) had him and his family worried.

Worried about what? That gay men would go on a rape rampage? He claimed that decriminalising homosexual behaviour would turn Singapore into an "un-wholesome" place as if Singapore is some fishing village where the people are mostly pure and innocent folks. Oh please! And oh yes, if you want to raise birth rates, don't legalise homosexuality. Because fewer babies... mismatch of "resources". Rubbish! Lesbians are probably the most proliferate females around. Err.. not entirely true either. But still the birth rate argument is lame.

And what is with "Homosexuals lead a promiscuous and hedonistic lifestyle"?? This is over-generalisation at its worst! Senseless people like Jonathan Cheng Hern Sinn should not be allowed to write into the Straits Times. They should just... blog. Quietly. Or just die.

But what was more amusing was this piece by a NUS law professor. Another reason to heave a sigh of relief that I wasn't accepted into NUS law. It's a pretty long piece, the main point of which being decriminalising homosexuality would be a slippery slope. If you tell people it's okay to be gay, everyone is gonna take the opportunity to be gay! Even if they're not pre-disposed to be gay. They will do it if they see their friends do it. Cos' it's cool and hip!

Obviously that's not going to happen! What will happen is that people who have been repressing their sexual orientation will find a little more breathing space. No that they will be free from nagging/despisal/marginalisation from people around them who are not as ready to accept their difference. Decriminalising will not transform homosexuality into something "wholesome" overnight. What it does is that homosexuality is now recognised as a behavioural trait that is perhaps deviant from the accepted societal norms but not necessarily criminal.

The author claimed that "An active homosexual agenda has engendered clashes with fundamental liberties such as free speech and religious liberty." and that "People who oppose the homosexual agenda are branded as intolerant, bigoted, homophobes, or hateful towards homosexuals who are merely 'different'." So to the author, it is a choice between 1) legalising homosexuality or 2) continuing to give bigotic homophobes the freedom to be bigoted and homophobic and oh, openly hateful towards homosexuals. It's like saying let's not think of Jews as humans, otherwise we can't put them into gas chambers. Criminalising homosexuality serves the purpose of depriving of homosexuals of a legal platform to put across their agendas. So much for the right to freedom of speech.

Would legalising homosexuality really lead to moral degradation (empirically measured in number of childless homosexuals)? To answer that, one would have to examine the basic assumption that homosexuality is bad. What are some of the reasons people give for demonising homosexuality?

1) That God forbids so. Obviously He won't tell us why so let's just sidestep this reasoning for the moment.

2) That homosexuality is against the nature. Nature as defined by...? If it is nature as defined by God then we're back to Reason No. 1. If it is nature as in mother nature, then it is useful to note that homosexual behaviour is anything but rare in animals. But if you claim we're not animals like "them animals", then well...

3) Declining birth rates. We've been there before. Even if you put a man and a woman together, they might still not reproduce.

4) Homosexuals are promiscuous and are the major carriers of HIV and AIDs because of the way they engage in sexual behaviours. Even if it were true, it is really more of a matter of personal hygiene than anything else. Furthermore, not all homosexuals are sex fiends. And the argument is inherently unsound. It is not like when you decide to criminalise drink-driving. Drink-driving is bad because it has potentially lethal consequences and it is a threat to public safety. You cannot apply the same logic to homosexuality. You don't criminalise heroin users because they share needles (which transmit HIV) but because drug use is illegal.

Then it begs the question of whether homosexual behaviour is illegal. Why is drug use illegal? Because it has harmful social consequences. And according to our dear NUS law professor, "It is a known medical fact that homosexual intercourse or sodomy is an inherently unhealthy act that carries higher risks of a number of sexually transmitted infections. The law should not facilitate acts which threaten public health." So homosexual behaviour is illegal.

Well, if it were that case, then having multiple sex partners and having unprotected sex should be criminalised as well, not to mention heterosexuals who prefer to, occasionally, "enter through the back door". So essentially, it is not the act itself which is bad or wrong (if you go by her argument) but how the act is being carried out, namely recklessly. So if men can screw each other in a protected manner, then the argument would fall apart.

As for the slippery slope argument, it is even more ridiculous. It is wrong to continue criminalising homosexuality just because decriminalising it would potentially open the floodgates to more tricky issues such as greater gay rights, same-sex marriage and gay adoption (of babies, not adoption of homosexuality as an alternative lifestyle). You can't say it's gonna be a messy business so let's not go there.

The question here is whether homosexuals here are willing (not that they have much choice but...) to accept the deal of keeping their private life hush-hush (the tacit understanding is that the government would not raid the bedrooms of homosexuals if they don't openly demand more rights such as the abolition of Section 377A) in exchange for being "tolerated" by the majority of "wholesome" Singaporeans. And is it really so bad to accept such a deal? Hmm...

The point of Project Work is...?

2007-04-28T12:01:00.000+08:00

None!

There is absolutely no sense in Project Work. It's nothing but crap and agony. Well admittedly more agonising for those who put in as much effort but didn't do well in the end. Like myself. I was a victim of racial hatred. Ha! Kidding! The fact that my instructor was a Malay had nothing to do with the fact that I got a miserable Band 3 (as it was known then; it is the equivalent of a C grade now). It was more of a deep personal dislike. Nothing racist.

And it is not surprising that the issue of fairness has come up year after year. People are upset because some JCs have 80% of their students scoring As while others have only 1% of its students doing so. While it is commonly accepted that no teacher will have the bad sense to shortcome his or her own students (well... mine didn't but I guess I didn't give her much choice), it doesn't necessarily prevent others from doing all possible to help their students (making the students submit 5 drafts is one good way).

At the end of the day, it is really up to the teachers/instructors. And really, this is the only A-level subject that the school has, to some degree, determining power of how their students are going to fare. So it will be really dumb if schools are to stand by the principle of fairplay or crappy things like "it is the learning that counts, not the grades".

The only people who can say grades as if it is none of their business are people who really have no business talking about it in the first place. It is, of course, easy for the teachers or professors (under some of whom I have suffered terribly but this is a story for another day) to say that to the students because they are not the ones whose futures are dependent on a lousy piece of paper with alphabets on them. It is not that the students are too grade-oriented or shallow, it is the whole society, the admission offices, parents who are grade-oriented and shallow. Honestly, stop giving us the crap about looking beyond grades. It is stupid and lame.

Okay I shall digress a bit and talk about my results for the 2nd semester of my first year in SMU. They are, at best, unspiring. But still better than what I have imagined or feared they would be. Suffice to say that my entire future depended on the grades. They determine whether I can make a cross over to Law School. Imagine my horror when the first grade I got was a B for Communications 101. No words can describe how nasty the professor was (and will always be for posterity). So I shan't attempt to describe that. Let's just leave it at he hates me and I hate him (still very much) but I pretend to be subservient and he pretends to be nurturing. After I saw the grade, I immediately dispatched an email (if you can actually "dispatch" an email but I think it sounds nice so let's just leave it) to him. It was a super "fake" email in which I extolled him for being such an inspiring professor. Which wasn't entirely false since he did inspire much hatred in me. And boy guess what? He replied with an even longer and "faker" email telling me how grades shouldn't be the centre of my life and how he is glad to have me as a student. I am completely and utterly defeated. For now.

The funny thing is under the Law curriculum, Communications 101 is not one of the University Cores as opposed to all other curricula. Imagine if I were to write him an email later and talk about that. Haha!

Okay more about that later, mightily hungry right now. Lunch!

Disclaimer: Hatred is unhealthy. The author is a trained personnel and no other person should attempt to do this at home without the supervision of a trained personnel.

Chronicle of a suicide foretold a.k.a suicide note

2007-04-21T23:22:00.000+08:00

For those of you who are fans of Gabriel Marquez Garcia, you would know where I stole the title from. For those of you who aren't, you would, at least, know that I stole it.

For those of you who happen to be reading this and know who I am (I mean if you don't know who I am, then you shouldn't be worried about me killing myself), please do not be alarmed. I may very well still be alive. Actually, there is a very high probability that I am still alive. On hindsight, the title might have been a tad too sensational. But sensational is good.

Anyway, why would I think I would kill myself? Why would anyone want to commit suicide, for that matters? Usually, it is because something important has been taken away from them and they don't think they can continue living anymore. It is pretty much the same for me. I won't go into the details. What? You want details? Hmm... no. Okay, compromise. Let's just leave it that it's got something to do with a particularly nasty (pronounced with American accent) professor. Nope, I didn't sleep with him (that'd be unimaginable).

How would I die? The easiest would be to jump off a building. But I can't bear the thought of myself crushing and splitting and spilling. That'd be horrendous. Sleeping pills then? Where can I get such a huge quantity of them? I mean it takes 50 to kill a person right? What if I don't die but because I was discovered too late (yet not late enough to kill me) I become a moron from overdose? And that I can't control my bowels or drool all over myself? Can't imagine being such a liability. Slashing wrist? That's so 60's. Stabbing? Too samurai a.k.a Tom Cruise the cranky scientologist. Fake an accident? Then I can't be leaving a suicide note which will defeat the whole purpose. And plus, if I can fake a fatal accident, I would do it on the damned professor. Yea, I am completely consumed by hatred.

Let's see, what other options do we have. Drowning? That'd look like an accident because everyone knows I can't swim. Refer to point above about accidents. Shoot myself? This ain't no America. And plus I still can't get over the spilling part. And did I mention it is just so wrong to involve innocent people? I mean you can shoot the girl who caused you much misery but not the other students who barely know you/know that you exist. So if I have a gun I'll shoot the above-mentioned professor. Ah! I've got a brilliant idea! Since I can't muster enough courage to put a gun to my head/mouth, I'll pretend to shoot other students (without really shooting them) so that when the police arrive, they can shoot me for me. What a genius am I!

Okay this is really getting too morbid. Hope my mum doesn't see this.

And writing about killing myself is so therapeutic that I don't feel like killing myself anymore. Not that I was serioulsy contemplating about killing myself. Alrightie, relax people!

Ugly is the word

2007-04-21T22:39:00.000+08:00

I don't want to complain but why is it that the girls running for Miss Singapore Universe are so freaking ugly, year after year? Not only are they ugly but their English is so bad that they...totally sound Singaporean!

And please people, stop saying "I have a dream, just like Martin Luther King". First of all, you have no right comparing yourself to that great man. Secondly, your dream (wild fantasy, to be exact) is nothing like his. You don't dream that you are a black person and that one day, you can seat in the front of the bus just like the white folks, do you? Yea, guessed as much. And plus, it is weird to have a dream about making wildlife documentaries on copulating monkeys. It just isn't right. Forgot which one of the girls said it. They all have pretty forgettable faces. "Pretty forgettable" as in "rather forgettable" and not "pretty but forgettable".

The whole thing is a farce. I mean the contest. The girls are stupid. It would be okay if they are also pretty. You can be pretty and stupid but you can't just be stupid. Viewers like myself, no scrap that, I don't watch MSU. Viewers who are brainless enough to watch the show/contest are going to feel cheated, if that is, they are smart enough to actually realise they are being duped. For the rest of us, superior beings, we are overwhelmed by a sense of helplessness. Like how we see the Africans elect murderers, plunderers or imbeciles to be presidents through not-very-democratic elections.

Could that fact that most of these "beauties" are either 1) NUS undergraduates or 2) air stewardesses be the root cause of their blandness and... stupidity? Alright, in all fairness, some of them may be real smart. Just not something that is exactly appreciated in a beauty contest. What do beauty contest winners do anyway? Tour the world and spread the messages of love? Take part in even more contests?

Why am I so irrationally angered by all this? Perhaps I am just jealous because I am a "Ugly Betty" myself? Yea, that's the reason.

My Fujitsu is a jealous mistress!

2006-07-30T18:08:00.000+08:00

Okay before I tell you why, let me blow the dust off this blog first. *blowing (dust. And dust ONLY, what were you thinking? Tsk tsk, dirty minds!)

It's been a very very long time since I last updated. Of course, I have been very very busy. I am always busy. You have to be perpetually busy or your worth (to the society, to your friends etc.) would be put to question. If you are forever available, people will be wondering if it is because you don't have a social life. And if it were the case, they won't want to be seen hanging out with you a.k.a The One Without A Social Life. Then you become more friendless and the cycle just repeats itself until you wonder why you still haven't killed yourself yet.

Anyway, I was mumbling. Hmm... yes recent happenings. Oikos (econs camp) just concluded a day ago. It was okay. Made some new friends, decided that I would never be friends with the rest and ogled quite bit at the hot bods when we were in Sentosa on the first day. Talking about Sentosa, I haven't been there in ages. The last time I went there, the monorail was kinda still in operation (Is it still in operation?).

So I was saying, the girls were not AT ALL coy about taking off their clothes. There was this game which required us to form the longest line using whatever we have with us, including ourselves. So we began by taking off our slippers blar blar and the guys started stripping, which was normal and truth be told, nothing to wow about since only preciously few of them had bodies to die for. Then, the girls started stripping too because the line wasn't long enought. And WOW! they are in their bikinis. It was generally a pretty sight. I mean when it comes to gauging whether it is appropriate to strip (i.e. whether your half-naked body will cause discomfort to the rest of the people present), the girls are way more self-conscious. The guys were practically stripping without discrimination. The funny thing is, most of those who took off their tshirt had such droopy titties and big paunchs that the rest of us actually felt sorry for them.

The girls, on the other hand, were such an eye-candy that you just can't stop staring. Most of them anyway. As I was telling Liyu yesterday, there is always a hierachy when you are in the group. I am talking about girls here because I am not sure about the guys, though I don't mind venturing a guess on the latter. For guys, it is either you are with us or you are not thing, so not at all exciting to talk about.

But for girls, it is different. In an all girl group, there is always a queen who can readily command the allegiance of 2-4 slaves, depending on her prowess. In rare occasions, there can be up to 2 queens, but because of time constraint and irrelevance to the topic at hand, we shall pass those rare occasions.

Beside the queen and the slaves, there is also the 'super enthu people' and the outcasts/bo-chap-and-aloof people. From experience, the super enthu people are usually those who have a 'humble background' (i.e. those who hail from neighbourhood schools) and who try desperate to fit in with the RJ-HC-VJ group and are willing to do anything for it. They are usually the ones who volunteer or are 'volunteered' to do the kind of things that the queen will never do and which because they have the super enthu people to it, the slaves are spared from doing. As for the outcasts/aloof people, nobody dares to ask them to do anything so they are out of the equation.

Talking about outcasts/aloof people, there is a reason for the slash though it seems that being an outcast is not exactly in the same category as being aloof. Okay, the distinct is between them is that if you are from a neighbourhood school and is really quirky (in a bad way, for e.g. with coconut-inspired hairdo) then you are an outcast, the untouchable. But if you are from a brand name school but are deemed not very approachable, then you are automatically classified as aloof/bo-chap. The difference in treatment you got from the rest of the group is that if you are in the former category, you get sneered at and if you are in the latter category, you are revered (probably) and left alone (which is, again, different from being ignored).

But really, the Aloof and the Queen are the same type of people. They are both smart and sophisticated. The only difference is that one is more popular with the crowds, for reasons that are mostly genetic i.e. looks, personality etc. But do the Aloof and the Queen hate each other? I most certainly don't hate my counterpart, for, again, reasons that are mostly genetic. HAHAHA!

That was 'group dynamics' a.k.a group politics. Oh almost forgot to mention that one of the main sponsors of our camp was SDU (Social Development Unit) a.k.a the publicly-funded, government sanctioned match-making agency for the highly educated (only those with tertiary education and onwards need apply). So naturally, some of the games were designed with the intention of getting boys and girls to 'know each other better' or simply to 'get a little physical with each other'. One particular activity worth mentioning was the night-walk on Fort Canning Hill. A girl was to be paired up with a guy and had to walk through a predesigned route that was dark for the most part of it and ambushed by facilitators who were out to scare you out of your skin or better still, into each other's arms. Some facilitators who were 'off-duty' that night abused their authority and paired up with the cutest girls to do the night walk. Tsk tsk!

Another camp coming up tomorrow and will last 4 days 3 nights. It is supposed to be a CIP-camp so gotta go! Need to get my 80 hours.

Okies for now. No idea when this blog will be updated again. My guess: it will be a very very long time before that happens.

Just realised why that I still haven't explained why my new Fujitsu tablet PC is a jealous mistress. Well, it is because even though it is brand new and up to date, I don't love it as much as I do my 3-year-old iBook. It is a pity that the adoption rate of Mac OS is so pathetic that for the sake of compatibility, I am again stuck with a Windows-based machine. Not Fujitsu's fault. Microsoft's bad.

Imagine Me & You

2006-07-12T22:44:00.000+08:00

Heck: Edie, are you gay?

Edie: Am I gay?
[laughs]

Edie: I'm ecstatic!

I love Piper Perabo and Lena Headey together. Awfully cute. I mean cute, not awful.

Where are all the photos?

2006-07-11T23:30:00.000+08:00

Been back from Taiwan for a few days now and the photos are not up yet. Why? Because I am procrastinating. Partly. More accurately, it is because I am too occupied with my new, absolutely free Xbox 360. Actually, only the console is free, courtesy of Starhub. The games are not - they cost $69.90 each. I got 2 titles, one's Hitman: Blood Money and the other is Call Of Duty 2.

In the former, the player assumes the role of a hitman and carries out assassinations for money. However, the amount of money he gets for each mission depends on his notoriety or the lack of it. I mean in the world of contract killing, it is not exactly desirable to be 'well-known'. The best assassins always make sure that they cover their tracks.

As for Call of Duty 2, the player becomes an Allied soldier fighting off the Germans. There are missions to accomplish, some of them require blowing up tanks, recapturing certain key buildings or fending off an offensive by the empty. I play on the Easy level so it's really pretty easy. It's just that I am always required to repeat missions in order to unlock new ones.

Why is it so fucking hot these days?

Three Dollars and his books

2006-06-30T02:39:00.000+08:00

'Three Dollars' is the title of another book of Elliot Perlman's which I have been reading, or more accurately, have just finished reading.

There have been certain observations which I have made of his style of prose and his way of story-telling from reading 2 of his books in such short succession. They might not be accurate since it is an unspoken but universal rule that '3', not '2', is the magic number when it comes to making conclusive conclusions about anything. You need at least 3 points for a graph but we were often required to have double the mininum in order to minimise any error which, even if present, would not impact us in any visible or life-shattering way other than a bad grade. Though, it is not unreasonable to suggest that a bad grade was essentially life-shattering to us then, preoccupied as we were with grades and little of anything less.

In Perlman's stories, there is always (again the claim is weak when you only have 2 stories for comparison) a protagonist who has a heart that is larger than the rest of us. When everyone else is just trying to live his own damn life, there is always someone, in his stories, who has the time and good-humour, though not necessary the resources, to spare the less fortunate, the downcast and the outcast a slice of hope and a tinge of warmth. In 'Seven Types of Ambiguity', it was Simon who was constantly reminded of the world and its imperfections and inequalities and who refused to judge prostitutes the way society judged them. In 'Three Dollars', the protagonist took the form of Eddie who proffered his hand to a man who could not see his children because a restraining order against him and who had more dogs than he could care for. This was the same Eddie who ran in the rain to get aspirin for a stranger he met in the cafe, whose chair gave way.

And he is always a literature buff, constantly quoting from authors who are sometimes too obscure for our acquaintance. He is melancholy but it is debatable whether it is a result of a genetic predisposition to melancholiness or whether it is a melancholiness adopted for the litterateur persona. Or it could be his readings which lend him the air of melancholy, one which lingers with the persistence of cigarette smoke. He dates women who have an equal passion for literature as he has, if neither surpassing nor paling in comparison to his. He is a gentle lover and a humourous man. He often makes smart-ass comments about things even when the sombreness of the situation does not call for them. And he is almost always romantically involved with 2 women, though not always at the same time.

As I have speculated in my previous entry, I think the author has projected a large part of himself onto his novels or rather, more precisely, onto his protagonists. Even if the part about 2 women is less than true, one can safely deduce that he is a litterateur, with more than a passing interest in other subjects ranging from economics, philosophy, psychiatry, sociology, geography, history to the more scientific ones like physics, chemistry and mathematics. An aspiring Da Vinci no doubt, though how ironic it is that with information so much more accessible to us now as compared to Da Vinci's time, no one is truly simultaneously proficient in both the arts and the sciences as the great master was.

Nevertheless, I think Perlman has enticed me with enough of Kant, von Hayek, Voltaire and Hobbes, among others, to make me want to read more about them in my free time, or until I am stumped by the complexity of the ideas and theories of these great men before him and certainly way before me.

Actually there is a very fine distinction between trying to educate your readers and showing off your knowledge. In fact, the distinction is so indistinct that even the author is probably not able to recall his original intentions without bias. It might be the subconsciousness talking. He could genuinely have wanted to edify us on anomie - the ultimate self-imposed exile from the society. And he must have truly believed that a return to Keynesian economics would help balance the imbalances that so characterize the modern economies. In fact, from what I gather, he is a strong opponent of what we call the laissez-faire economy. Or he could have littered Hobbes, Empson and Voltaire like gold flakes on a pretentious dessert, you know, like those $1000 sundaes that are really no more than ice cream with non-toxic heavy metal. Either way, I am glad he did because I have an insatiable hunger for knowledge. But, unfortunately, I have a limited ability to digest and absorb.

What really strikes me about Perlman is the way he plays with semantics. After all, I am more easily impressed with the style of prose than the prose itself. Then again, it is not just about putting together of words in the smart-ass kind of way, which he does but also the keen observation and the literary aptitude required to translate into words feelings that the more mediocre amongst us can only catch a fleeting, vague sense of.

As a sucker for categorizing things, I have attempted to categorize the various techniques he has employed in his writing. Examples are taken from 'Three Dollars'.

Cat A: Play with the words in the smart-ass sort of way

"This might not be so bad under certain circumstances. I cannot imagine what they might be but I was not under them."

"He smelled of beer so much that thereafter beer would always smell a little of him."

“… a series of unsuccessful relationships, unsuccessful in that they had ended”

“On hot days the car begged to be put out of its misery and on cold days it behaved as if it had been.”

"... past the farms and pastoral properties to the nothingness between the pastoral properties and other pastoral properties."

"... people who once had not known whether it was good or bad to live on a train line and now had no choice but to know..."

Cat B: Twist on the cliches

"I had no choice but to breathe in as much of his grief as I could stand and to store the rest for a rainy day."

"We were all like peas in a pod in those days except that Paul was only trying it out, just visiting. He did not have to stay in the pod. We stayed thee and ripened only to be thrown into an industrial-sized cauldron and turned into pea soup for a chain restaurant. His parents owned the franchise."

"Although neither of us are getting any younger, your father seems to have stopped getting younger with a new and unparallel vigour."

"Not content with hitting any rock bottom, Tanya had kept going past the sediments of the Palaeozoic era all the way down to the Archaen rocks she had never known before."

Cat C: Connecting 2 completely different things

"The woman serving in the wheatgerm queue had grown impatient, perhaps with me, perhaps with the vegetative nature of her professional life." (wheatgerm <-> vegetative nature of her job)

"I was always suspicious of the bush balladeering sentimentality of, say, the Jindyworobaks and its more recent socio-political manifestation, that type of often unyielding, unscientific, dogmatic, and bombastic environmentalism that does for society’s habitat what the followers of Foucault and Derrida did for the promotion of literature as a source of sustainable enjoyment." (environmentalism <-> sustainable enjoyment)

"Childhood summers are always better than adult summers. I have heard a variety of explanations for this: memory improves the past by natural selection, it is the origin of the specious" (origin of the 'species')

"Gerard was one of the first people I knew to deify cardiovascular fitness and make regular sacrifices at the alter end of the bench press." (idol worship and working out)

Cat D: Personification (Is it what these are called?)

"It was a malice but it was dressed up hastily, awkwardly, coming undone at the back, and enough of it was exposed to shatter any illusions."

"The next day, fresh and unshamed in the white light of childhood summers, seemed to possess an innocence so pristine as to make a lie of the previous day."

Cat E: The things we might have thought about, which he has described better than the version in our subconscious

"‘Are you alright?’ I asked in the manner we ask people who clearly are not."

"It is with inadequate understanding of Tanya’s capacity to enthuse other people and to enlighten them in ways they would never forget, and with disregard for the consequences to her financial and emotional well-being, that the university regrets it is unable to extend her contract of employment. They would like to take this opportunity to offer her grave self-doubts and to employ a meaningful cliche towards the bottom of the letter, without fond sincerity, without gratitude for past service, so that the printed words on the page, when viewed in the middle distance through unfocused eyes, generate the image of an upside-down Christmas tree. " (more or less the way I felt, reading the rejection letter from NUS)

"… of the relief she always has when Rachel leaves. And Rachel, not yet fully down the drive would know this is what the aunt was feeling because when they have lived a couple of decades and people are relieved each time you leave a place, you cannot miss it every time."

"Small dread is grey. Anxiety is brighter. Grey dread seeps. Anxiety is chauffeur-driven to the centre of your consciousness."

Cat F: The humorous

"We talked about the possibility of introducing a ‘wheel’ segment into her lectures, ‘Tanya’s Wheel’, in which she might give away our car or a weekend for two staying with my parents at the home they dreamt of on the Gold Coast."

“God! I thought it was you”
“I’m not God. You’ve mistaken me for someone else”

“I’m going to have to do something big to solidify my position within the department.”
“We could have a child and donate it to the library”

Oh for those of you who like (or dislike) globalisation and 'that kinda thing', there is a length discussion about it somewhere in book. Just as surveys of the twentieth century will not do without mentioning science and technology, the books published at the beginning of the twenty-first century must pay tribute to the phenomenon known as globalisation.

Wild sex!

2006-06-24T22:03:00.000+08:00

Literally wild sex. In the bushes, up in the trees, in the water or even in the air.

What were you thinking of? I was talking about animal sex, read sex BETWEEN animals, not that version you have in your perverted mind. Tsk tsk...

But in order to make it relevant to you and me, we will do a comparison between animal sex and human sex.

You think only humans do Brokeback Mountain? Ha! Dolphins do too! Quite unexpected yeah considering they are such docile creatures. The story goes that male bottlenose dolphins (not sure about the others though) will have fully developed sex organs by age 10 but they will not become fathers till age 25. So what do they to pass off those 15 lonely years? They 'rub' and 'stroke' other male dolphins with their penises! And they don't just limit such homosexual behaviour towards their own species, not even their own kind. Their other targets include eels, turtles, sharks and even you - humans! So beware the next time a dolphin becomes too friendly - he might have other things in mind. *wink

Oh did I also mention that the favourite pastime of some male dolphins, especially the bottlenose dolphins (again!), is to toss the newborn calves like rag dolls and subsequently kill them so that the females can be in heat again to mate with them? They do the same thing to their smaller cousins, the harbour porpoises, though it is more for fun than anything else. Don't get so worked up. This kind of infanticide is very common in the animal kingdom. Lions do it, cheetahs do it, even gorillas do it.

The sea lions also share the bottlenose's brutality. Let's imagine a beach full of sea lions, large and small. Some male sea lions are strong so they have their own wives and kids. Some other younger, less established males don't. What do they do? They would try to steal other sea lions' wives. But they also realise they might not be able to take on the dominant males single-handedly, so the smart way would be to gang up. Even that doesn't guarantee a sure success. However, if they lose, they are not going to go away quietly or wallow in self pity or indulge in a bit of hand job. They take it out on the young pups. Like the dolphins, they toss them into the air with a vengence. Some more perverted ones would even try to mount the little ones as a result of their unsatisfied sexual urges.

Onto something more cheerful. Fruit bats. We would probably not agree with their choice of mates - loud and foul smelling lovers but their art of love making is really something. For one, the penises of males can swell up to 1/4 the length of their bodies, that's roughly the length of your forearm, maybe plus the hand too. Woah! Imagine that guys! LOL! The males mount the females from behind, while hanging upside down. And they are probably the only non-human mammals that enjoy oral sex. Maybe the other primates do too. I won't know that though.

Before I continue, I must answer this question of yours which you might not at the moment have even thought about asking. I pre-empted you! Why did I watch this documentary? Well, yes the title 'Wild Sex' might have been enticing but truth be told, I am not really a fan of animal sex. It was actually the narration which I found amusingly vulgar. For instance there was this one about ostrichs. It's said that male ostrichs are rather sex crazed animals and they can do up to 5 females at one go. So there was this ostrich that, after copulating with the first female, was still not satisfied and went after another one nearby. To this, the narrator said "it seems that this male ostrich is set on stuffing more than one bird". LOL!

Another scene shows a young male baboon giving himself a hand job after unrequited sex and there's the voice of the narrator saying "a soft end to a hard lesson".

There are some educational bits though. Like why do males have orgasms? It is so to encourage them to copulate and procreate because orgasms make them happy. Then why do females have orgasms? It is found that during orgasms, the pressure of the uterus changes such that the sperms are sucked in or something like that. And the ultimate question: Why do we have sex? For procreation, for pleasure and because we desire it. Those three are the fundamental reasons why we have sex. I am sure you have a different one. Keep it to yourself though. I don't want to know.

One last bit before I conclude, do you know how males keep other males away? Fighting is one. But the more effective one, it seems in the case of razor bills (some kind of bird), is to mount the trouble makers. The weaker ones are the ones keep getting mounted so in the end, it will just give up trying to mount anything. If you can homofy them, why just thrash them?

Hope that turns you on, sexy!

Seven Types of Ambiguity

2006-06-24T16:03:00.000+08:00

"Change is the only constant, except for the changes that change the constant."

Someone must have said it, at least the first part, because I could never come up with something that awe-inspiring.

You must excuse me for talking that way because I have just finished reading 'Seven Types of Ambiguity' by Elliot Perlman. The book, in short, was an interfusion of psychiatry, law, literature, troubled marriages, infidelity, prostitution, and the children that are sandwiched in between, absorbing all the unspoken violence of matrimonial agony. I kinda like the sound of 'unspoken violence'. Original but definitely inspired by what I have been reading these past few days.

I never used to like this kind of what I referred to as 'flowery language'. I often found them pretentious but now I am starting to appreciate the peotry in them, not that I am a huge fan of peotry. The only poet whom I have taken a vague liking to is Robert Frost though I can hardly recollect any of his works. Something about nothing gold can stay or last.

The book is divided into 7 parts, each narrated by a different character in the story. The main character is a melancholy man, in his late twenties or early thirties, by the name of Simon. He wasn’t always a melancholy man. He might have been, considering the strained relationship between his parents which cast a shadow on his childhood. But he certain became one when his college girlfriend, Anna, broke up with him, rather suddenly.

And that was ten years ago. Ten years later, he is still not over her. He is an alcoholic with a dog he affectionately named Empson after his most revered poet, William Empson, who wrote the book ‘Seven Types of Ambiguity’, a study of the meanings of poetry. He is also involved with a prostitute, Angela, who is obsessed with him the same way he is obsessed with Anna, his ex-girlfriend a decade ago, who is now trapped in an unhappy marriage to a stockbroker, Joe.

Simon’s father, worried about his son’s state of complete abandonment, hires him a psychiatrist, Alex Klima. It seems that the therapy, if there is any, takes place both ways. In fact, the psychiatrist and the patient eventually become more than just that. There is nothing sexual, of course. But there is also no denying that the psychiatrist is intensely fond of Simon, in whom he sees a large part of himself.

The story becomes complicated when Simon kidnaps Anna and Joe’s son, Simon. Things start to unravel and skeletons in the closet start tumbling out. Through their individual narrations, the reader, in this case me, begins to get an understanding of the background, fears, suspicions and secrets of each character.

It is not that the story is told seven times over from different perspectives, but rather it progresses
through their narrations. The first to start is the psychiatrist, Alex, followed by Joe, then Angela, then Mitch (Joe’s colleague and also a client of Angela’s), then Simon, then Anna and finally, Alex’s daughter. So each of them will continue where the previous has left off, while filling in a little of what transpired in the past.

Because each character is unique in his or her experiences, unbringing and circumstances, the author is able to explore different issues using each one. Through the characterisation of Alex, the psychiatrist, he questions the ability and extent to which strict professionalism can exist between the doctor and his patient. What happens when there is transference or even counter-transference? Through Joe, Anna's husband, the author exposes the insecurities that people, even seemingly successful people, experience. The need to be respected and admired is so great that in desperation, many mistakenly think that money and status are the key.

But the author's 'star character' would, no doubt, be the melancholy, obstinately devoted yet incredibly well-read, even tempered and immediately likeable Simon Heywood who is, however, burdened by a clarity with which he sees the world and all of its ugliness. I secretly suspect that Perlman has projected a large part of himself onto the character of Simon and along with it his anguish at the current state of affairs.

From what I gather, Perlman is a barrister (okay this is provided by the publisher) in Australia who is a literature fanatic and who also has more than a generic understanding of the stockmarket. He probably has some basic training in psychology/psychiatry or he just reads them for fun, in which case it would be a clear indication of an aberration of the mind, considering how ridiculously difficult psychology texts are. Trust me, I have one.

He takes an invested interest in social issues and is deeply bothered by what he sees as the brutality of the Invisible Hand driving today’s modern economies and possibly also the inherent flaws of the legal system. He is perhaps also some sort of a mathematician and to a lessser extent, a physicist and a social gambler. He knows how to count cards to win at Blackjack and he knows about Mach's principle (something about mass and inertia and gravity).

Why do people read books anyway, especially fictions? They want to get the story; they like the style of writing; there are certain themes explored in the book; because everyone else is reading them. As I have mentioned in my previous entries, I was not a great fan of fictions. I guess I was being unreasonable snobbish about reading purely for the story. Much as I hate to admit this, it is often the story which hooks me to a particular book. Sure, I would like to believe I read 'The Picture of Dorian Gray' because I love Oscar Wilde's style of writing and his humour. I do but I found out that that was not enough to sustain my interest beyond page 50. The story, pardon my lack of literary proficiency to better appreciate it, is boring, outdated and didactic. It might have a message, an important one at that, but story was simply not engaging enough for me to want to delve further.

But having an enchanting story is not enough. All mysteries and thrillers do but I would not want to read them. I find that an equally important criterion, for me that is, is whether you can learn something from the book. It doesn't matter what it is that you learn. In fact, I think a good book is conceptualized with the aim of educating the public on a particular subject matter. They should be like good kindergarten teachers - they must know how to package whatever they are trying to teach the children into stories which captivate them.

In the case of 'Seven Types of Ambiguity', the author has achieved just that. He throws his readers manageable morsels of information on various subjects that are enough to create the 'Wow! I din't know that' effect and yet not over the top such as to turn the book into another piece of academic writing masquerading as fiction.

However, making esoteric subject matters more accessible is not quite enough for a good fiction. The writer has to write with a flair that leaves his or her readers gasping "How on earth did he/she come up with that!" A good writer also has to be a keen observer and has to be able to put down in words ideas which the average person can only vaguely grasp. He or she has to demonstrate the elegance and beauty of the English language that have sadly been relegated to less importance in favour of conciseness and functionality. In this aspect, both Perlman and Eugenides, have done an incredible job.

Next up, I'll either be starting on Saul Bellow's 'Humboldt's Gift' or another book of Perlman's, 'Three Dollars'. I have no idea why I started on 'Seven Types of Ambiguity' but I know Saul Bellow was meant to be a replacement, not nearly a close one though, of Eugenides. Eugenides was said to have the "verbal energy and narrative range of Saul Bellow's early fiction". So naturally I was curious at the amount of energy and the width of the narrative range of the great Saul Bellow himself. From the few pages I have skimmed through, so far, I still prefer Eugenides.

And wonderful news: I'm off to Taiwan in a bit! Wow!

Brief tenure as a waitress at some Jap restaurant

2006-06-16T00:44:00.000+08:00

When I said 'brief', I meant just that.

I only survived one day before saying sayonara to the boss.

Admittedly he and the rest of the staff, with the exception of the kitchen and counter staff though, were rather nice people. No cute waitress and that hastened my departure. Just kidding.

The push factor was actually the fact that everyone was speaking Japanese. Most of the clientele were native Japanese and ordered in Japanese. Naturally I told them I didn't understand a word of Jap and they would have to do it in English or no food for them! LOL! That, apparently, did not make things easier for anyone.

For instance, they couldn't seem to be able to tell the difference between a JUG of beer and a GLASS of beer. But of course, the customer is always right so I ended up taking the blame. Or there were times when they told you it's dish no. 94 that they wanted but it turned out that what they really wanted was no. 47. Their fault again but I'd just have to take it as mine.

The restaurant has 2 kitchens. One of them is actually the open kitchen or what some called the sushi counter. But they do more than just sushi there. In fact, they don't do sushi at all. They do sashimi but no sushi. There are also some other cold dishes like the all-time favourite: cold silken tofu in soy sauce.

The head chef at the counter was an ass. We, the waitresses, were supposed to say something in Jap (can't remember what the phrase was) when we informed them of new orders. So it's "(Japanese phrase), new order: blar blar" and you stick the order sheet to the rows of sticky tapes above the counter. The counter has 3 sections. One for barbecuing, one for making sashimis and other cold dishes and the last for making sobas or noodles. So if you get single orders for just soba, then you go stick it at the soba corner and say the necessary 'passwords'. But if you get a variety of orders with barbie (that's how Jamie Oliver likes to call his barbecues), sashimi and soba, then you would have to stick it at the cold dish corner because that's like where the head chef, a.k.a The Ass, would be and he can then pass the order along the production line.

Why was the chef an ass? I mean if you are a just a fucking chef, there is no need to get all haughty or downright condescending, especially if it is towards someone new on the job. He picked on my handwriting. And he was also pissed that I didn't respond immediately when he said the food was ready. Well, the fact is I didn't know that he said the food was ready because they all said it, again, in Japanese.

But the last straw was this: he asked me "Are you a waiter or waitress?" I was like "Fuck you!" (Nay I was too much of a wimp to say it to his face. I only gave him an irritated look.) That's how the ah peks and aunties are. They like to ask politcally incorrect questions. The younger generation is not necessary any more polite. They just think about it in their head and don't ask it out loud. That is acceptable because everyone is allowing to have shit in their head.

Back the counter, there is also this area for making drinks. They have quite a wide range of cocktails. We need to learn how to make them but it was quite easy and the recipes were all pasted there. The cocktails consist mainly of juice + Jap wine/Tiger beer. The Japanese all seem to be very taken with our local beer. No idea why. But one thing is for sure, the Japs are pretty heavy drinkers. Half of the staff were drunk before dinner started. And I could smell alcohol in the boss's breath. I wasn't even standing very close to him so you get the picture. Oh, when the boss was showing me how to make the various cocktails, he made 2 for me to try. They were pretty good. So I was also one of those who were drunk before dinner.

I was saying they have 2 kitchens. The main kitchen or 'the one inside' is for all the hot dishes. The dishes to be prepared at the counter are circled while those prepared in the inner kitchen are not. Those which require efforts by both are put in brackets. So it is pretty easy to mix them up. And the chefs get really testy when they see the wrong symbols. Well...

Decidedly the chefs/cooks in the main kitchen were nicer in a way that they didn't bother me much. Some lame jokes here and there like "Soki soba or soki soki?". Don't get it? Yeah, just goes to show how lame it is.

There are 3 tatami rooms there so when you serve in them, you've got to take off your slippers (we had to wear slippers) and then kneel down to serve the customers or take their orders. Quite a novel experience but somehow, images of the Japanese Occupation kept flashing through my mind when I had to act all subservient (oh those Japs dig that). That never happen when I am using Sony Walkmans (okay I don't use Sony walkmans, used to, but not anymore. I use an iPod!) or eating sushis or buying any other Japanese goods (usually edible ones). So it's not really the anti-Jap sentiments at work there. Just the wounded pride speaking.

The tricky part was carrying 6 bowls of a soba at once. Man, they were heavy. And I was glad that I didn't spill any or worse, spill them on the customer. I would probably have to kneel and apologise to them alongside my boss if I did. Guess even my boss wouldn't have dared to offend these big bosses. You have no idea how much they can spend on a meal. I don't know about the room with the 12 people or so but the table which I brought the check to (and there were only 4 people) had a bill totalling $300. No wonder Japanese restaurants can afford higher pay - they have a higher profit margin.

I did, however, break several glasses and it happened right in front of the customers. Nice job there! The boss was visibly angry with me. That could also be why he wasn't very insistent when I told him I wanted to quit. He was probably thinking "good riddance!" He was more concerned about whether Sus was going to quit too which I assured him that she wouldn't even though I wasn't sure at all if she was going to stay. LOL! But I think she ought to stay since she's learning Jap and it was a ready-made Jap environment for her to work on her Jap. She said the kitchen staff were a little intimidating. Well, I think she should just ignore them.

Would like to go and try the food myself some time. Just to piss the counter chef off. The deserts looked really good!

Snippets of the 17th Golden Melody Award

2006-06-14T14:45:00.000+08:00

1. Stefanie Sun's performance. Stunning is the word. My favourite song is 一路上有你, an oldie by Jackie Cheung.

2. Opening by 小S and 陶晶莹. God, it's hilarious!

Oops, just realised that it's been removed from YouTube because apparently whoever posted it in the first place violated the copyrights of Azio TV. Death to the tattler who reported the trangression.

Off to work in a bit. Feeling a little apprehensive now, after reports from Sus about the franticness of the place. Fingers crossed for cute waitresses lol!

"Gay" Twins

2006-06-13T00:15:00.000+08:00

I suspect.

Okay the story starts out simple enough, 2 girls fall for the same guy. And they go through all the agony and angst that, I venture to guess, are usually associated with such entangled heterosexual relationships. Well, I wouldn't know, would I? Then the unexpected happens: the girls decide that they don't really care for the boy and are in fact in love with each other and run off, holding hands. Don't believe? Watch this:

Alright, I twisted the thing a bit. The girls are not gay. They just treasure friendship more than cute boys. Why? That surprises you? Yar it's a little cliche and not at all realistic.

Okay let's reach a compromise. I say there is a little gayness in each and every one of us. It is just that some are unconscious of their gayness (and leading perfect heterosexual lives on the surface) while others are openly flaunting their gayness (not very different from how heterosexual people flaunt their heterosexuality really).

Now, heterosexual people reading this blog are shaking their heads now (yeah you there, in front of the lousy PC). The more aggressive ones are probably shaking their fists and saying "I'm NOT gay, you (insert expletive)!" Alright, let's go down the memory lane. Girls, have you ever had a best friend who is with you 24/7 and whom you do everything with? Your menstrual cycles are probably synchronized too but I don't need to know this. Have you, answer this honestly, ever had these thoughts:

A) She understands me so well and it is so good to be with her.
B) I wish we would always be this close.
C) I wonder what she is wearing underneath that Tshirt.

If you've had C), then it is pretty clear that the closet is too small for you. For A) & B), oh you are such a lesbian!

You may argue "Hey that's not 'gayness'!" Let me ask you: what does it mean by being gay? "Gay people are those who are sexually attracted to people of the same gender as they are." And you don't swing that way.

So what brings about a 'sexual attraction' or even 'love'?

Looks, muscles/big boobs/nice ass/huge ****/any other obscenely large body parts, smell (get the right pheromones), personality (when you can't get the first 2), race, religion (hardcore Christians/Muslims/Jews), money, status... Or all of the above. Where does 'gender' comes in?

You say, it is understood that people should date other people who are of the opposite sex. That's how God made us, whether we call him/her Allah, HaShem, Jesus or some other names (for a complete list of synonyms for 'God', refer to a really really old thesarus).

Just like you said, most of the heterosexual people remain so (assuming we all started out being heterosexuals, like Adam and Eve) because that is how they are told they should be. That's how the society wants them to be. They never realise there is an 'alternative lifestyle' to theirs. Either that or they are too afraid to go against the flow.

Always easier to go with the flow. Though some fish never seem to learn that and insist on swiming upstream to spawn. Makes you wonder sometimes if the Omega 1, 2, 3, 4 are really going to make you smarter (since they come from such stupid fish) or is this just another elaborate ruse by the fisheries to get you to buy more fish, against all the danger of mercury or any other heavy mental poisoning. You've taken biology, haven't you? The top predators accumulate the poison of those lower down on the chain.

Got distracted there a bit, back to main topic now. I am not saying that all heterosexual people are gay, at least not 100% gay. Nothing is absolute so don't argue you are 100% straight. There are, however, among them (number is indeterminable due to reasons stated above) people who are 'predisposed' towards homosexuality. It is in their genes. I am not bluffing here because studies have shown that there is a strong biological basis for 'swinging the other way'. Besides the genes, there is also the hormones. Too much testosterone and you turn into an Ellen DeGeneres, too little of that and it's an Elton John for you.

Whatever it is, the bottom line is this: If you think you are not gay/don't know you are gay, then good, remain that way. At least, you get to marry legally in 99% of the countries. And your spouse gets to enjoy all the spousal benefits that your company might have, something which your colleague, Ricky's 'civil union partner' doesn't get to.

And you won't get onto Bush's Hate List, which can put you in a precarious situation considering how al-Zarqawi died. Guess his safe house wasn't safe enough for him. But it is a bit weird that he actually survived the blast of 2 500-pound precision-guided bombs and died only a while later when all those with him were killed instantly.

Shall continue the discussion on Sex And Sexuality some other time. Mightly tired now.

Be a Mistress not a Waitress

2006-06-10T23:49:00.000+08:00

Went to look for waitressing jobs with Sus today.

The first was at a 'high-class Russian restaurant' in Tudor Court. It was quite a neat little place and there was even this -15 degree celsius bar in the restaurant where you can go and have your Russian vodka in thick winter coats provided courtesy of the restaurant. The pay, though, was bordering on exploitation - a mere $5 per hour. Following this argument, about every F&B establishment in town has deplorable employment practices, leading the pack is probably McDonald's at $3 per hour. Then again, the Banglas and ah peks wiping tables at food courts and hawker centres are possibly paid even less. That, however, is not a pressing concern of mine (or, I believe, yours) at the moment.

Honestly, I don't mind so much about the peanuts that Russia (as the restaurant shall be called henceforth) is paying. It is the learning experience that I find most important. Okay decidedly you can't learn much from juggling four or five plates but still, it is cool to be the 'servant' for once. Talking about servants, do you know how men used to greet each other in Dickens' time?

A: Sir, your humble servant. I am glad to see you.
B: Sir, I am yours. (Insert polite enquiry about weather/wife/children/horse)

So each claimed to the servant of the other when, in reality, the only servants were the niggers.

I have digressed. Yeah so the thing is I am very receptive of the idea of working in such a cool, exotic place except for this:

That's right. That is the uniform I am expected to wear. Well, I have nothing against the uniform per se and I think it will look rather sexy on her:

But on me? Hmm not such a good idea.

So onto Option Dos (Spanish for '2'): a Jap restaurant at Tanglin Shopping Centre.

It was not your usual run-of-the-mill Jap restaurants which serve stuff that bona fide Japanese have never even heard of. I am not going to name names here but you should know which ones I am talking about. Hint: the Green Frog.

Talking about the Green Frog, I actually faked some of the stuff I wrote in the job application form. I was not completely truthful about my past job experiences which were so meagre that I felt compelled to fake some. The Green Frog was one of them.

Anyway, I like the decor of the Jap restaurant. It had a rustic feel to it, as if it were some small, family-owned restaurant in a village in Okinawa. It was all very peasant-y and cozy. I can already imagine drunk, rowdy and red-nosed Japanese men drinking their sake and slurping their noodles and possibly also singing Japanese folk songs out of tune.

And it pays damn well too. At $7 per hour, it is possibly the most humane restaurant in town (or the only one which follows the guidelines and recommendations by the Manpower Ministry). But the boss (who looked 18 and whom we mistook for a waiter) seemed more interested in Sus. No surprise/as usual/it happens 99% of the time (the 1% gives me hope to live another day so let me have it). Lol! So there you go. A hundred bucks she is going to land the job.

As for me, I don't really care if I get a job. If I don't get the one at the Jap restaurant, I'll probably just continue what I have been doing for the past 4 months - slacking at home. I would read books, plenty of good ones out there. I am thinking of laying my hands on a Saul Bellow, possibly Herzog. David Sedaris' books look pretty promising too. Wish the NLB will hurry with the procurement of The Time Traveller's Wife though.

Or I could watch DVDs. Still got about 3 episodes of House left and plenty of Grey's Anatomy left untouched.

Or I could start on Sloman. Nay, I would rather get a job.

Or I could become someone's mistress.

Middlesex

2006-06-09T22:52:00.000+08:00

Sounds like something you might want to read?

Well, believe it or not, I didn't at first.

The reason is simple: I don't read novels. Okay, I do read novels, but I don't read them for the story. I read them for the style, the personal voice that is unique to every author (and therefore 'personal') and also the humour that each exhibits.

So even though I could care less what happens to Oliver Twist, I still read Dickens. But truth be told, I have never managed to finish a single novel of Dickens'. Honestly, Dickens can be just a little too ambitious in his plots sometimes. Take Nicholas Nickleby for instance, he wasted chapters and chapters on Nicholas' 'adventures' with some theatre group which, in my opinion, was irrelevant to the main plot and therefore redundant. Alright, I did not get as far as the theatre group (I watched the movie before I read the book, or less than 1/4 of the book) but anyone could have guessed it.

I read Catch-22 for the humour and the circular logic which made it funny. The story itself made little sense to me. In fact, I thought the whole story was truly weird. Sometimes, the book was funny but hollow like it was being funny for the sake of being funny. The sequel, Closing Time, was plain bad and was left unfinished.

I read Orwell for his style mainly and sometimes also his views on politics and current affairs (most of which are no longer current now). Actually, I don't really care for his takes on communism among farm animals or the totalitarian society in 1984. The books I really enjoyed were his more autobiographical ones. I found his Down and Out in Paris and London a particularly satisfying read, as well as his essay piece titled 'Why I write' in which he detailed his childhood and time spent in a boarding school. As we all know (either from Dickens or from movies made about them), boarding schools were horrible places to be. The administrators didn't feed the kids enough and stole their weekly allowances sent by their parents. The school masters and their wives were formidable creatures to be feared and obeyed and they asserted their authority with canes so thick that you thought they would never break.

I read Hemingway because of his Farewell to Arms but it wasn't even remotely raunchy and I was majorly disappointed. The movie was way better and it had Sandra Bullock in it. I continued to read his books for a while before admitting to myself that I didn't really like them.

I read Frank McCourt because I truly liked reading his books (I still do). His are actually autobiographies detailing his miserable Irish Catholic childhood and in later sequels, his life in America and his job as a high school teacher. I like the detached manner in which he told his sad stories and the way he could be funny without intentionally trying to be so. It is like the way some people can tell jokes with a straight face. So even though he is not nearly as famous as the dead guys whose books I have also been reading (and often not understanding), I have always ranked him as my favourite author of all times.

And that is about to be challenged.

Because of Jeffrey Eugenides.

Most of you might not even heard of him (shame on you if you haven't). He has written only 2 books so far. Middlesex and The Virgin Suicides.

I like his style, his humour and also his story. I don't usually come across books like that. McCourt's books don't count because of their autobiographical nature. Like I said, I don't usually read books for their stories. The only book that I have read purely for its story (it's the Da Vinci Code by the way), I found the style of writing infantile at best. The others which I picked because of the authors, I often found myself only distantly involved in the plot. Most of the time, I just wanted to get them over and done with. That is also why I have taken to borrowing books instead of buying them - less guilt if I don't finish reading.

It was different for Eugenides' books. I actually wanted to know where the story was going. In fact, I was anxious to know what was happening next.

And he doesn't just tell stories. He weaves in mythology, philosophy, genetics, history, sexuality and a whole bunch of other things. I usually hate descriptive stuff like how the sun stains the horizon with (insert colour) and how the mad passions of animals stir within someone blar blar but the way Eugenides does them, somehow those descriptive stuff don't seem as irritating anymore. In fact, I found them rather poetic and often with a touch of humour.

Here are the examples:

"Mr da Silva had been born in Brazil. This was hard to notice. He wasn't exactly the Carnival type. The Latin details ofhis childhood had been erased by a North American education and a love of the European novel."

"Father Mike was popular with church widows. They liked to crowd around him, offering him cookies and bathing in his beatific essence. Part of this essence came from Father Mike's perfect contentment at being only five foot four. His shortness had a charitable aspect to it, as though he had given away his height."

"He liked to quote that witty lady's opinion on the German language, which held that German wasn't good for conversation because you had to wait to the end of the sentence for the verb, and so couldn't interrupt."

"Dr Luce even analyzed my prose style to see if I wrote in a linear, masculine way, or in a circular, feminine one. All I know is this: despite my androgenized brain, there's an innate feminine circularity in the story I have to tell."

"Emotions, in my experience, aren't covered by single words. I don't believe in "sadness" "Joy" or "regret". Maybe the best proof that the language is patriarchal is that it oversimplifies feelings."

"Our religion's adherence to the Julian calendar has once again left us out of sync with the neighbourhood. Two Sundays ago, my brother watched as the other kids on the block hunted multicolored eggs in nearby bushes. He saw his friends eating the heads off chocolate bunnies and tossing handfuls of jelly beans into cavity-rich mouths. (Standing at the window, my brother wanted more than anything to believe in an American God who got resurrected on that day)."

"A scene like this, a ransom scene, calls for a noirish mood: shadows, sinister silhouettes. But the sky wasn't cooperating. We were having one of our pink nights."

I like the way he plays with words. A bit of Catch-22, which is evident in the 'Father Mike' quote. A bit of Frank McCourt - the unpremeditated humour which is present everywhere. But mostly himself. The observant, philosophical, well-read and incredibly funny Jeffrey Eugenides.

Ah, onto Seven Types of Ambiguity now.

Wait, I haven't actually told you what Middlesex is all about right?

Our protagonist is a hermaphrodite with cryptorchidism or, in simple English, "a developmental defect marked by the failure of the testes to descend into the scrotum". He is genetically male because of his XY karyotype. He has a penis so small that it was thought to be a clitoris.

The mistake was only discovered when an accident brought him to the emergency room at age fourteen. Before that, he had lived his life as a girl named Caliope, of Greek descent. After finding out his true biological identity, he changed his name to Cal.

His parents were cousins. But to truly comprehend the complexity of their family tree, we will have to start with Callie/Cal's grandparents. His grandparents, Desdemona and Lefty, were siblings. Supposedly, consanguinity was rather common in their small village back in Asia Minor (A peninsula of western Asia between the Black Sea and the Mediterranean Sea) and so was hermaphrodism. Their son, Milton (also Cal's father), married Tessie who was the daughter of Desdemona and Lefty's cousin, Sourmelina. A lot of intermarrying there.

Callie was very pretty as a baby girl but as she went into puberty, her features started to masculinize. She never developed any breasts, nor did she start menstruating like most of the other girls of her age. At the boarding school that she went to, she started forming a curious relationship with a girl whom he named the Obscure Object. The Object, for short, belonged to the Charm Bracelets who were the pretty, wealthy and haughty members of the school and in essence, the people who would never mix with girls like Callie.

However, one day, an opportunity presented itself in the form of a school play. Callie volunteered to go through the script with the Object and from there, they became really good friends. The Object invited Callie to her vacation home during the summer break. Sharing the same room, their friendship developed into something more. They had sex which, in my opinion, involved no more than a bit of fingering and dry humping. But it was sex nonetheless. So Callie was a lesbian before she became a 'he'. And that begs the question: was she a lesbian because of 'him' who resided clandestinely in her or was 'she' really into girls? There was no way of telling.

As luck would have it, their affair was discovered by the Object's evil and lecherous brother (who also had sex with Callie). He called his sister a 'carpet muncher' (read: lesbian who likes to lick the you-know-what) and she ran off crying. Callie punched him and he ran after her. She ran into a tractor and was sent to the emergency room.

After the discovery of her hermaphrodism, her parents brought her to a clinic in New York (they lived near Detroit) which was famous for treating people with sexual disorders. There an evaluation was done on Callie. It was decided that Callie would undergo a operation to remove the unwanted penis and be given female hormones to aid the development of breasts so that she could, at least on the surface, live as a normal girl. The recommendation was based on numerous factors, such as how the subject was brought up (Callie was brought up as a girl), the subject's mannerism and character (were they predominantly effeminate or masculine?), the subject's sexual orientation (which Callie lied about being exclusively attracted to boys) and the subject's family (were they the conservative kind or the more open kind?).

It was not revealed to Callie or her parents that she, or rather he, was of a XY karyotype and that made him genetically male. When Callie found out the truth, she ran away to become a he. He travelled across the country, hitchhiking. And after he had spent every single cent of his money, he ended up in a freak show. It was only after the show was busted by the police that he finally got into touch with his family. His father had died by then.

As a middle age adult, he worked for the Foreign Services. He never got into any serious relationship with women because of his condition until one day, he met a woman who could connect with him and more importantly, accepted him for who he was.

So yeah it was all a happy ending except that the story was told in retrospect (actually not entirely true also because the story wasn't told in the chronological order at all). Anyway, if you consider the fact that the story ended with Milton's death, then it wasn't exactly a 'happy' ending. And really, there wasn't an 'ending' at all. It is like the way the fairytales 'end' with the princes and Cinderellas living happily ever after. They don't. Nobody knows what happens after the wedding. Would they bicker over their parenting styles? Would the new princess get along with her mother-in-law, the Queen? Would they get tired of each other? Would the desperate princess engage in an illicit affair with the gardener? (Oh sorry that's another show)

Stories end when the real, often boring, lives begin. (I don't apologize for pretending to be deep.)

P.S. Spanish class was ultra fun!!!

Why is House interesting to watch?

2006-06-07T22:32:00.001+08:00

1. Because it is a medical drama and everyone loves medical dramas.

2. It is a little more than your average medical drama.

It shifts away from supply-room sex or love triangles involving the intern, her boss and his wife (no, the wife and the intern are not sleeping with each other. Yeah I am disappointed too) but focuses more on the terminologies and the technical aspect of diagnosis and treatment. Though maybe to the trained eye, it is still more drama than reality.

3. It provides a lot of 'Do you know's.

For example, do you know how doctors recognise infections? They look for antibodies which will then tell them what kinds of infection the patient has got. And if a certain test comes back negative, it does not necessarily mean that the patient is free of that infection. In rare cases, it just means that the body is not able to produce antibodies to fight that particular infection.

Another example, do you know that herpes (a type of STD) actually kills cancer cells?

A last example before you get bored: a sudden drop in pain can cause euphoria. That explains why some people keep banging their heads against the wall, because it feels so good when they stop.

4. There are quite a bit of zen-ish and philosophical stuff. Examples:

Pain causes you to make bad decisions. The fear of pain is almost as big a motivator.

As long as you're here (Wilson stayed at House's after moving out of his apartment), it's just a fight. As soon as you get a place, then it's a divorce.

Right and wrong do exist. Just because you don't know what the right answer is — maybe there's even no way you could know what the right answer is — doesn't make your answer right or even okay. It's much simpler than that. It's just plain wrong.

You know what's worse than useless? Useless and oblivious.

If you talk to God you're religious. If God talks to you, you're psychotic.

5. And then there is the quips that everyone makes at everyone else. Though usually it is House at everyone else. Examples:

House: Tox screen was clean, he did however get hit by a bullet. Just mentioning.

Cameron: He was shot?

House: No, somebody threw it at him.

[At the morgue, House is going through the various freezers, checking on the bodies.]

Chase: What are you looking for?

House: I called my mom, she didn’t pick up.

Moments later...

Cuddy: I can’t even imagine the backwards logic you used to rationalize shooting a corpse.

House: Well if I shot a live person, there’s a lot more paperwork.

What does it take to be House?

2006-06-07T00:45:00.000+08:00

House is not only good at diagnosing tricky cases.

He also knows Spanish, Hindi, Chinese and probably some other languages that you thought the hectic schedule of a doctor would not have allowed.

He plays the piano. In fact, he plays it quite well. I am especially thrilled by his rendition of 'Hymn to Freedom' even though it sounds suspiciously like the version by Oscar Peterson.

He has a magical ability to know when people are lying, either that or he just assumes that everyone is, even chemicals. But unfortunately for the latter, when they try to lie through their little chemical teeth, all you need is to put them in a beaker and apply heat.

He is cynical and sarcastic and that makes him interesting, as long as you are not at the receiving end of his whimsicality.

He is well-versed in subjects other than those medically-related. For example, he knows that 'blue barrel' is a variety of cactus and that enabled him to trace the origin of the disease-carrier and subsequently reach a diagnosis.

He obviously knows quite a bit of psychology and uses it well when dealing with patients whom he cannot put in a beaker and apply heat to.

And he appears to be miserable all the time, being a Vicodin addict with a bum leg. Chicks dig that though.

Not of the above are relevant to you or me. Just pick those that are, for instance the point about getting acquainted with stuff that are not within your specialty.

For myself, even if I am going to read Economics in university, I figure that it probably won't hurt if I simultaneously start home-schooling myself on Biology too.

The only problem is that, as with all resolutions, they tend to fizz out when the inital novelty wears off. Already, I am seeing the impracticality of the idea. With no impending tests and no pressure to outdo your peers, it is almost impossible for someone as unmotivated as yours truly to persevere despite the good intention. I mean, let's face it, it is been 2 weeks since I 'made up my mind' to do some reading on Economics but so far, I have only done it once, and that is while intoxicated with the prospect of awing the professor with my incisive takes on the world economy, among other things.

No one can be House. That is why I put him on a pedestal and worship him with my DVD player.

Finally WYSIWYG

2006-06-05T21:43:00.000+08:00

After months of frustration resulting from not being able to use italics or change my fontcolour, I have finally found a way to. The answer is so simple that it took me 2 months to figure out - my browser does not support the WYSIWYG function on Blogger.

So the logical step is to change a browser. Against my better judgement, I tried it on an old piece of junk known as the Internet Explorer which, much to my delight, was not compatible either.

I said I was delighted because if it worked, then I would be compelled (morally and practically) to use that piece of junk and it would have taken away whatever little fun there is in blogging and made my miserable life even more miserable. It is weird in a sense because I vaguely remember the Internet Explorer being quite a nifty piece of browser software back in my earlier Windows days.

Onto something less depressing now.

Things that we know Paris Hilton can do:

Make videos of herself schupting some ex-boyband member with the initials N.C.
Being engaged and disengaged to another Paris.
Lead a Simple Life with her-best-friend-turned-enemies-but-is-really-just-her-sidekick Nicole Richie.

Things that we didn't know and still don't believe Paris Hilton can do

Sing! And interestingly enough, I actually thought it was Ashley Simpson or Lindsay Lohan crooning away to the words "I am screwed... screwed..." Man, they all sounded alike.
Make lasagne and actually, rather tasty lasagne. This is, however, not something you or I can verify.

And now to something even more cheerful.

House Time!

Today I am going to show you how prevalent discrimination is at workplaces such that female employees or those from minority races (chances increase proportionally with skin colour i.e the blacker you are, the more likely that you will be discriminated against) cannot even gain access to whiteboards.

In Ep 2x1, when Cameron tried to write on the whiteboard during a differential diagnosis, House would not let her, claiming that - I quote him - "Only I get to write on the board".

In Ep 2x17 and I figure for this one it is more interesting to give you a transcript of the exchange that took place between Foreman and House.

Foreman: [he snatches the whiteboard marker from House and starts writing] Heart failure could be either infection, coronary disease, or rejection.

House: [snatches the marker back] Sorry, there's a reason they call it the WHITEboard. It's not my rule. What ties both of these conditions together?

[Silence from the Ducklings]

Foreman: Ok, we can all stare at each other or we can investigate what caused the heart failure. Just the heart failure. You wanna give me that BLACK marker?

8 more episodes to go.

The Ultimate Woman is... a MAN

2006-06-04T00:00:00.000+08:00

And men, your testes are really just 'descended ovaries', that's all.

See, according to House, all babies/fetuses/pre-fetuses (I am not sure what to call them because I have no idea when the reproductive organs start, you know, developing) start out being girls (evolutionary advantage I assume) and then we’re differentiated based on our genes. For boys, the ovaries develop into testes and drop.

However, there is a not-so-rare chance (about 1 in 150 000) that a fetus, a boy, will develop into something else - a pseudohermaphrodite. Pseudohermaphrodism is essentially a condition in which 'an individual is genetically and gonadally of one sex but has significant secondary sex characters of the opposite sex, often with ambiguous external genitalia.' So a male with pseudohermaphrodism will have testes (often undescended) and significant typically female secondary sex characters, like big boobs/'love apples' and a cute ass. Oh and clear skins too, as our patient in Ep 2x11 obviously did.

He-slash-she was a model - young, pretty and knew how to use them to his-slash-her advantage very well. 'Manipulative', I think, is the word. And he/she (it's tiring to type 'he-slash-her') made her father 'do him/her' in his alcohol-induced stupor. It was all to ensure that her (it's tiring to type 'his/her') dad would accede to all of her requests out of guilt in that way. And she also slept with her manager (oops, her dad was her manager), photographer, financial manager, and tutor for the same reason. She thought nothing of that because as she told Cameron matter-of-factly, 'we all do it' to which Cameron replied 'No, we don’t'. I was not sure if I should believe Cameron because she just 'did' Chase. Anyway, that is not 'medically relevant'.

So everything that she (Alex a.k.a the model who turned out to be a 'he') was ever proud of - her looks, her voluptuousness and basically her womanliness were really a joke. And more significantly, her dad was not just incestuous but also homosexual. So were her photographer, financial manager, tutor and about everybody else who had fantasized about her with his hand on his pecker.

While I am at it, I have to point out that pseudohermaphroditism should not be confused with hermaphroditism (they put the word 'pseudo' there for a reason). In individuals with hermaphroditism, both male and female gonadal tissue are present. In other words, they have both the testes and the ovaries (best of both worlds!) while, as I have established earlier, pseudohermaphroditic individuals only have one set. So the narrator in Jeffrey Eugenides's 'Middlesex' could either be a pseduohermaphrodite or a fona fide one, neither of which ought to bring us much joy.

Care to know about what watching 12 episodes of 'House M.D.' in marathon fashion can do to you besides feeling obliged to reveal the answer in a late night blog entry? Hmm, it can make you regret not applying to medical school, which subsequently makes you regret not taking biology in junior college. It can also make your head swim in a list of words like 'brucellosis', 'epinephrine', 'cataplexy', 'subarachnoid' and 'metachromatic leukodystrophy' which makes you regret not applying to med school all over again.

Just imagine what fun you will have if you have gone to med school. You would be able to say things like 'Oh, that's not what REAL doctors do. These TV PEOPLE are not checking their facts' or 'There is a problem with his IgM, not IgG, you idiot!'. How cool would that - and you - be? Then House would cease to become cool. But then again, if you are an intern (the logically path after med school), how the hell would you have time to watch TV?

Went to the PC Show today. Yeah, the one that is like held 2-3 times every year. Just imagine Great Singapore Sale with just computer-related stuff.

Wanted to buy an external hard drive and bought one at a price of $211. It claimed to have a capacity of 100GB but the last I checked, it only had around 94 GB. Technically speaking, it was yet an 'external hard drive' when I bought it. It used to be an 'enclosure' ('casing' for the rest of us) plus a Samsung hard drive. After I bought them, they were fused together to become 'it'. So when the guy handed me the empty enclosure and told me it was $49, I asked him how many gigs there were in it, thinking 'what a steal!'. I swore he just sort of stared at me incredulously for 1 1/2 secs before apologizing for not making it clearer in the first place. Okay point taken, I was being stupid.

In the end I still bought from that guy because 1) I felt guilty about, erm, asking him so many questions 2) no one else would format for me in Mac 3) it was one of the cheapest around 4) it only cost 200 bucks, no point spending 3 hours trying to get the best deal (and worse, not end up getting one at the end of it).

Lunch was at Surf N Turf which sucked. The portion of their starter (we ordered nachos) was humongous. And that was just wrong because starters are called 'starters' for a reason. They are not there to end your meal before you even get to the main course. The mussels were overcooked and tasted like pockets of sand. We cancelled our Surf N Turf combo because there was no way the two of us could have fnished it. Despite our efforts, we only managed to clean off half of the starter.

Oh I also bought the 'The Virgin Suicides' DVD. That sucked too. Now I remembered why I hated the movie 'Lost in Translation' which was also directed by Sofia C. The tempo was just oh so painfully slow. And too little screentime for Kirsten Dunst. The monotonous narration made it seem like a documentary. The movie, in my opinion, did not do justice to the novel. So much for the $24 I forked out for the disc. No wonder people download illegally. That is what people do when crazy punks sell pieces of plastic for 10-20 times their true cost.

The Virgin Suicides

2006-06-01T16:29:00.000+08:00

I have just finished reading a very 'powerful' novel. The word 'powerful' being used here only for the lack of a more intelligent-sounding adjective. I am a poor literary critic and will make no attempt to disguise that (not that it is POSSIBLE to disguise that anyway).

The novel is, of course, 'The Virgin Suicides' by Jeffrey Eugenides. A very interesting surname considering that his second novel is titled 'Middlesex' which is about a bisexual (here referring to someone with both male and female reproductive organs) and therefore somewhat related to eugenics, in an ironic sort of way because eugenics is really about the production of better/improved offsprings and bisexuality (born or learnt) hardly counts as an improvement. The point, which I believe was not well-delivered, is that 'eugenides' sounds like 'eugenics' and so on...

Okay let's just forget that.

'The Virgin Suicides' has been made into a movie, directed by Sofia Coppola. It was released in 1999 and starred Kirsten Dunst as the very sexually active (or promiscuous if you would like) Lux Lisbon, the Lisbon girl who was fleshed out the most in the novel. Her displays of promiscuity, as suggested by the narrator and his group of friends, could be her desperate attempt to feel loved and in the process, mistaking physical pleasure with love. Her behaviour got out of hand later in the novel after her youngest sister, Cecilia, committed suicide, leading to her numerous trysts with nameless boys/men on the roof. Despite that, the narrator noted that Lux Lisbon often appeared distracted and bored even at times during sex. That led him to conclude that her sexual acts were performed less out of carnal desires than of 'other plans' which he or the other boys never managed to find out about. It was also suggested that Lux Lisbon might have had a self-destructive streak because she continued having sex on the roof into the coldest of the winter, as if wanting to catch a cold and die of it.

No one could say for sure what drove Cecilia Lisbon to kill herself in the first place. Many saw her as a weirdo, unlike her other sisters. The narrator suggested that it could be their strict upbringing which drove the girls to suicide. Right from the beginning, we were introduced to the mother as a strict Christian who played and forced the whole family to listen to the type of gospel music that even priests found incredulous. She allowed no unsupervised outings with boys and forbade clothes that were too revealing. Cosmetics were forbidden and TV programmes were carefully considered for their suitability before the girls were allowed to watch any.

All in all, the girls probably led a stifling existence under the watchful eyes of the matriarch. On the anniversary of Cecilia Lisbon's first suicide attempt (she only managed to kill herself in her second attempt by jumping onto the pointed fence), the remaining girls committed suicides as well. Lux Lisbon died of carbon monoxide poisoning; Therese Lisbon died of an overdose of sleeping pills; Bonnie Lisbon hanged herself; Mary Lisbon tried unsuccessfully to, literally, cook herself in the oven but eventually succeeded in her second attempt by ingesting more sleeping pills than she should after returning from the hospital.

It was a 'heavy' novel, made more so by the dark humour which it oozed. It was also a very disturbing novel, not least because the readers are left questioning and searching for the real reasons behind the suicides. Various people, including psychiatrists, doctors who tried successfully at certain times and unsuccessfully at others to resuscitate the girls, journalists, teachers and neighbours, all tried to provide explanations for their suicides. Some blamed them on the problems America faced in general those days; some credited the girls for foreseeing the unavoidable aging and misery that those who lived had to endure; others claimed that it was all an 'adolescent problem'. Maybe it was a combination of all those factors. No one knew for sure. Not even the author himself perhaps.

Must lay my hands on a copy of the movie. I love Kirsten Dunst when she is not with SpiderBoy. And being a loyal 'House M.D.' fan, I have to say that Kirsten bears a striking resemblance to Jennifer Morrison, who plays Dr Cameron in 'House'. Both of whom, in my opinion, are smokin' hot! LOL!

While I am at it, Kirsten's new movie titled 'Marie-Antoinette' would be 'coming to a cinema near you' some time in October. Marie Antoinette, for the unitiated, was the Queen of France who was executed during the French Revolution. Originally an Austrian royalty, she was married at the tender age of 14 to King Louis XVI (the latter was not yet a king when the marriage took place but was named the heir by his grandfather Louis XV). A politically-motivated marriage it was. So unhappy were her initial years at the French royal court that she indulged in gambling and other money-consuming activities. She later reportedly changed for the better though she remained unpopular with the people of France. She gave birth to 4 children in her lifetime and lost 2 to diseases. She was executed shortly after her husband by the revolutionists.

The movie, however, would focus on her earlier years as an aimless young royalty lost in the politics of the French court, who only found solace in meaningless but often extravagant activities. I can totally see Kirsten playing the seemingly indulgent but really lonesome Queen who was not exactly loved by her husband and had to constantly endure the malignant rumours that were circulating about which ranged from her having secret lovers to her inability to produce heirs to the throne (records suggested that she and her King did not consummate their marriage until many years after they were married).

Can hardly wait.

Okay correction: We love House!

2006-05-30T23:50:00.000+08:00

Yes it is absolutely true that I enjoyed 'Grey's anatomy' tremendously. Oh how I love to see doctors (and occasionally nurses) romping around! The first season is about to end its run this week. Anyone who knows when Star World is airing its second season would probably also know the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden. Unless of course if he is passe and nobody is interested in him anymore. It is all about bringing down Rummy now, I guess?

Anyway, the fact remains that 'House M.D.' is my favourite medical drama of all time, except perhaps 'Judging Amy'. Huh what? 'Judging Amy' is not a medical drama? Oh then in that case, House comes on tops. Reason why I love watching House? Because I think House is hot, as in the wacky diagnostician who has a bum leg and is addicted to vicodin. What is vicodin? In short, it is a pain-reliever which House pops like they were really candies. He always have sarcasm-laden comments for his co-workers. And the best thing is: he does not discriminate whether it is his subordinates or his boss. The best exchanges take place between House and his boss, Dr Cuddy, though she is nowhere as cuddly as her name suggests. Try this:

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I need you to wear your lab coat.
Dr. Gregory House: I need two days of outrageous sex with someone obscenely younger than you. Like half your age.

Dr. Gregory House: Right rudder. Bank, bank, bank!
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Good coffee? The rest of this hospital is busting its tail and you're....
[House's eyes get really wide, and he covers them with his folder]
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: What are you doing?
Dr. Gregory House: Trying to think of anything except the produce department at Whole Foods.
[Wilson smirks]
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I am working. It got hot. Stop acting like a 13-year-old!
Dr. Gregory House: Sorry. You just don't normally see breasts like that on Deans of Medicine.
[Wilson tries to look anywhere except at Cuddy's chest]
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Women can't be heads of hospitals? Or just ugly ones?
Dr. Gregory House: No, they can be babes. It's just you don't normally see their fun bags.

Wilson, by the way, is an oncologist who is also a good buddy of House's. In fact, the ONLY buddy of House's. House, being his gruffly self, is not exactly someone you want to be best friends with. But like I said, I think he is hot. I like guys with brains and a lacerating tongue, if I ever liked guys, that is. Yeah because the truth is I am more interested in his pretty sidekick/assistant, Dr Cameron. She is played by Jennifer Morrison who looks suspiciously like Kristen Dunst. Anyway, she developed a little crush on House but was crushed by the revelation at the end of Season 1 that House was still romantically attracted to his ex-girlfriend, Stacy, who gave him the bum leg in the first place (long story that one...) Stacy came to ask House to help save her husband and stayed on as the in-house lawyer for the hospital. House pretended to find her annoying and accused her of being constantly on his back when in fact, what he really wanted was to get back together with her. In Ep 306, he managed to elicit an admission on her part that she still loved him but also hated him at the same time (long story again...)

Oh I have digressed. I meant to talk about Cameron. So yeah though she was upset that House was not in fact too screwed up to love but that he just could not love her, she still continued to have a thing for him throughout Season 2. Okay, honestly I don't know. I am only 6 episodes into Season 2, courtesy of some small-time pirate on Yahoo! Auctions who is willing to rip a perfectly clear copy of Season 2 for peanuts. I mean do you know how crazily they are charging for the original DVDs? Let me tell you: The original Season 1 (Season 2's not out yet) costs about a hundred bucks! They are out to rip us! So can't really blame us if we rip them (discs) too right?

Apparently from what I have found out or gathered from watching snippets of Season 2, House and Cameron did not exactly become a couple though Cameron did have a romp with Chase. And it was hot! Chase is cute and the actor who plays him is/used to be a couple with Jennifer Morrison. But if you ask me, I will pick House over him any day. Yeah, so with Cameron, the show becomes a lot watchable than it would have been without her. Maybe it is just me. I am infatuated with Cameron. Some incredible House/Cameron moments:

Dr. Cameron: [discussing a patient's diagnosis] What about sex?
Dr. Gregory House: Well, it might get complicated. We work together. I am older, certainly, but maybe you like that.
Dr. Cameron: I meant maybe he has neurosyphilis.
Dr. Gregory House: Heh, nice cover.

Dr. Cameron: I'm the only one who's always stood behind you when you've screwed up.
Dr. Gregory House: Why? Why would you support someone who screws up?
Dr. Cameron: Because I'm not insanely insecure, and because I can actually trust in another human being, and I am not an angry, misanthropic son of a bitch.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm sorry. You said you *weren't* angry.

[Cameron is in the lab working on some equipment]
Dr. Gregory House: Mixing up some margaritas? Mine's a double, Senorita. That's Portuguese you know.
Dr. Cameron: [too quietly] Spanish.
Dr. Gregory House: Uh-oh. What's going on?
Dr. Cameron: I'm re-calibrating the centrifuge.
Dr. Gregory House: Turn around.
[she's been crying]
Dr. Gregory House: It's a very sad thing, an un-calibrated centrifuge. It makes me cry too.
Dr. Cameron: I'm not crying.
Dr. Gregory House: Ok.
[pause]
Dr. Cameron: ...When I was in college, I... I fell in love, and I got married. And...
Dr. Gregory House: At that age the chances of a marriage lasting -
Dr. Cameron: It lasted six months. Thyroid cancer metastasized to his brain. There was nothing they could do. I was 21, and I watched my husband die.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm sorry. But that's not the whole story. It's a symptom, not your illness. Thyroid cancer would have been diagnosed at least a year before his death, you knew he was dying when you married him. Must have been when you first met him. And you married him anyway. You can't be that good a person and well adjusted.
Dr. Cameron: Why?
Dr. Gregory House: Because you wind up crying over centrifuges.
Dr. Cameron: Or hating people?

They should totally be together, don't you think?

Waiting for the remaining discs to come in the mail so I can have the gratification of finishing the whole of Season 2 in... 2 days? And the sensation of being left high and dry after that. Sounds good to me! Should I suffer withdrawal symptoms, maybe I'll get Grey's Anatomy too or worst comes to worst, Desperate Housewives.

What happens to wanting to read up Sloman (some economics textbook) before University starts in July? Or August. July, August, July... Life would have been so much easier if I got into Law. At least no more min. LRAC and all that crap. Should I do a finance major? But I hate Maths! Marketing sounds good to me. But I still need to do Maths for Economics even if I can avoid them for Business Management. And if I don't do a lot of Statistics/higher Maths stuff I probably wouldn't be able to do a Masters in Economics. But I do want to write a book like 'Freakonomics' someday. That's tough.

Okay, Spanish time!

Where are you from? => De donde eres?

I am from Singapore/I am Singaporean (what nationality) => Soy de Singapur/Soy Singapurense

How do you say... in Spanish? => Como se dice... in Espanol?

Pleased to meet you => Encantado (M) Encantada (F)

Pleased to meet you (in reply) => Mucho gusto

This is the => Este es el (M) Esta es la (F)
This is a/an => Este es un (M) Esta es una (F)

I don't know => Yo no se

I don't understand => Yo no entiendo

Repeat, please => Repite, por favor

You're welcome => De nada

Notebook: Cuaderno
Cat: Gato
Table: Mesa
Student: Estudiante
Apple: Manzana

I need to buy an external hard drive

2006-05-24T18:22:00.000+08:00

Okay, as the title should already have implied, this is going to be a very technical piece of writing. So cover your eyes now if you still cannot tell the difference between a 'hard drive' and a 'hard on'. Well, in all fairness, 'hard drive' can be interpreted for something else other than a storage device. But that would be out of the scope of our discussion today.

As you all know, I am not a geeky person so I suck when it comes to fiddling with my computer. That is actually one of the prime reasons why I got a Mac in the first place after years of despairing before error messages on a Windows machine. Since I have touched on the Mac v.s. Windows topic, I might as well take the opportunity to extol the virtues of the Mac system. Did I just say 'extol the virtues'? Eww that is so cliche! Okay anyway, here are the reasons why Mac rocks the world:

1. They are incredibly stable. My system only crashed like 4-5 times in the last 2 years.

2. 99.9% virus-free. Though it is debatable whether it is a result of good virus protection or because no one (here I mean hackers) cares about the Mac enough to want to infect them with viruses. Either way, it is a good thing.

3. Aesthetically appealing.

4. It is cool to carry them around. They are the centers of attraction at Starbucks, Coffee Bean or even Burger King. But then again, being spotted at Burger King is not exactly very cool, is it?

I could go on to name another hundred reasons except that now I cannot think of any more outside of the four already listed.

Anyway, back to the hard drive issue.

Everytime I want to buy some technie stuff, I will scour the internet for reviews. And here are the things that I have learned so far:

* a note of caution for the real geeks: DO NOT read the following because you will probably laugh your ass off

1. When you are running the programmes, you do not just use the RAM but you will also be needing hard drive space. And from what I have read, a Powerbook needs about 5 GB of hard drive space (can be up to 8 GB at times) when running the programmes. So if your hard drive is bursting at the seams, you will probably notice that your system lags a little or that the execution gets a little choppy. And you also see the rotating hour-glass more often which means it is taking your system a lot longer to load the programmes than it would normally take when it has more free storage space.

2. There is the Firewire 400 and the Firewire 800, the latter having double (theoretically) the transfer speed (read/write) than the former. For those who do not know yet, Firewire is something like the USB but is more commonly seen in Mac machines than Windows based machines. There are some hard drives that offer all the three connectivity options but even if they do, there are catches. For some hard drive, like the Iomega External Hard Drive FireWire 800/FireWire 400/USB (black series), though it offers both Firewire options, it does not actually come with a Firewire 400 cable. That essentially means for people like me, I would have to get a Firewire 400 adapter in order to use the hard drive because my Mac (being more than 2 years old now), only has the Firewire 400 port and I think Firewire ports are not backward compatible. They are other hard drives which offer fast Firewire speed but disastrously slow USB speed. Though that will not really be a problem for me.

3. There is the 'portable' version against the 'desktop' version. The former is a plug-and-play type that does not require shutting down before disconnecting and does not have so many wires and also, of course, much lighter and therefore 'portable'. The latter, however, offers a bigger capacity.

4. The potential buyer should also pay attention to whether the hard drive drains a lot of power (in which case it would be useful if it comes with its own adapter). But then again, if you still need to plug in the hard drive's adapter, will it not be a lot easier if you just bring along the Mac's adaptor so that you will not be needing two adaptors? There is also the noise factor that one needs to worry about. Of course, and heat dissipation as well.

5. Even if the editors of the websites rate something as 'very good', it does not mean that it will definitely be a good buy. Some which won the Editor's Choice Awards do not live up to their expection as can be seen from the reviews written by the users. One example would be the LaCie F.A. Porsche External Hard Drive. Many users, both on the Apple website and Cnet website, cite durability as their main grouch against the device. Many see theirs break down within the first 2 weeks. So definitely not a brand that I want to consider.

The fact is, after surfing the net for almost 3 hours, I still have absolutely not the faintest idea which hard drive I should get. Maybe I will pop down to Funan Mall before my Spanish class this friday. Maybe I will get the salespersons to recommend me one. Not that I totally trust them or anything. But do I have an option?

Actually you might be wondering why do I need an external hard drive at all? Erm because I only have around 5 GB of hard drive space left and I want to download movies and TV shows? Not exactly a good reason to spend money but if I can find something between $200-300 then I will probably not be considered 'over-liberal' with my mother's money, will I? I thought so too.

NUS Business School. WOW!

2006-05-22T22:21:00.000+08:00

Now even ang-mohs want to study there.

Well, at least the British/American chick who screamed with ecstacy when she received her Letter of Acceptance from the aforementioned business school. Her mum was equally ecstatic and her only qualm was that her daughter (who was decidedly not actually that pretty) would spend too much time with 'cute Singaporean guys'.

Okay, if there are really cute guys here, how come I have never seen any? Alright, in all honesty, I have never been actively seeking them out. But still, I think it was a bloated claim. It is okay to argue that your school is the best business school in Asia (or something to that effect) but it is another thing to 'pimp out' your male population! But then again, if you can use something as ridiculous as the Merlion (what? Mermaid + Lion?) as your selling point, maybe 'cute guys' could be one too. The catch is, however, to have cute guys in the first place, which in here, there is zilch. Sero. Okay you want the truth? The truth is: I don't care about cute guys LOL!

I need to do serious reading one of these days. I have been watching too much TV. Not actually 'TV' TV but really downloaded (therefore illegal) episodes of American/Canadian/British shows that can only be viewed on the computer.

Here are my favourite lines of recent:

"I thought you were too screwed up to love anyone. I was wrong. You just couldn't love me. It's okay. I'm happy for you." Cameron to House, House M.D.

"I can't just be your friend, Ashley. It has to be more than that. Or I am out of your life. I need to figure out mine." Spencer to Ashley, South of Nowhere

Hola!

2006-05-20T01:17:00.000+08:00

I am taking Spanish classes!!! Today, or rather, tonight was my first lesson. The teacher, much to my disappointment, was not a hot Spanish chick. He was, instead, a petite man probably in his forties. But he was quite a good teacher. We called him Senor Olger ('Olger' pronounced as 'Oh-her' and the 'her' is pronounced as if you are clearing your throat). I was Senorita blar blar. I was sitting beside another Senorita who happens to live in the same area as yours truly. What a coincidence! There was only one ang-moh in the class and I think he had the best Spanish accent while the rest of us sounded like we were speaking Japanese with a bit of Italian.

Anyway the 'rrrrrr' sounds are killing me! I can't fucking roll my tongue!

Here is Spanish 101 for the unintiated:

Good morning: Buenos dias
Good afternoon: Buenas tardes
Good evening: Buenas noches

What is your name: Como te Ilamas? (informal) or Como se Ilama usted? (formal)
My name is..: Me Ilamo... or Yo me Ilamo...

How are you: Como estas? (informal) or Como esta usted? (formal)
I'm very fine, thank you: Yo estoy muy bien, gracias! or Estoy bien, gracias!

What is your telephone number: Cual es tu numero de telefono?
It is...: Es el...

1: uno
2: dos
3: tres
4: cuatro
5: cinco
6: seis
7: siete
8: ocho
9: nueve
10: diez

house: casa
boy: nino
schoolbag: mochila (sounds edible to me)
pen: boligrafo
dog: perro
book: libro

Bye: adios!
See you later: Hasta luego
You are welcome: De nada (rhyme with 'ta ma de' or 'his mother' which is the most common form of expletive in Chinese)

Yup that was about all I learnt tonight. Pretty impressive eh? LOL!

Oh and an awesome piece of news: my good friend, Irene, got into NUS Medicine!!!!! I am so so happy for her! I knew she would nail it LOL!

Okay I'm outta here! Adios amigos!

Where the bloody hell are you?

2006-05-18T22:33:00.000+08:00

I have neglected this blog for a substantial amount of time, for no good reason except that other matters, though not necessarily of greater importance, occupied me (well this is hardly a good reason). I am crapping.

Anyway the chick in the Aussie advertisment who said the bloody hell thing, she had droopy breasts LOL! I mean if you are trying to get people to come to your country (your beaches no less), the least you could do is to hire actresses who have more aesthetically pleasing breasts!

Oh this is a really FUNNY video! It is actually a parody of the movie "The Promise" which, as everyone knows, is an extremely boring movie. Visit this site for the clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKksBfhEbHY

What else have I been doing in my absence? I have read a book titled " "Gertrude and Claudius" by John Updike. Ever heard of Hamlet? Yeah this story is written from the adulterous pair's point of view.

Basically, the story unfolds with Gertrude (Hamlet's mother) marrying Hamlet's father (who was also called 'Hamlet', so that really makes our Hamlet 'Hamlet Jr') as according to her father's wishes. Supposedly Hamlet Sr was a great warrior whom Gertrude's aging father deemed as a good successor to his throne (yeah Gertrude being female and unable to make a legal claim for the throne) But the thing is: Hamlet Sr was not exactly in love with Gertrude, marrying her was only a way for greater power. It was actually his brother, Claudius who truly had amorous feelings for the young princess. But alas, because he was only a shadow of his elder brother and deemed inferior to him in every aspect, Gertrude was to marry Hamlet Sr. The loser went into self-exile to places far away from the kingdom, where he learnt useful tips (like 'how to tame the maiden') which he would later put to good use when seducing the lonely Queen.

So since the union of Gertrude and Hamlet Sr was based more on cold calculations than mutual affection, Gertrude felt neglected by her husband who was preoccupied with the expansion of his empire (which, curiously, was really her empire to start with). Much to her chagrin, her husband actually fell asleep on their wedding night without performing his marital duties. Though he eventually made up for it in the morning, the wife would, of course, always remember this humiliation (of being snubbed by her husband on wedding night and he was not even gay!)

Then the Queen became pregnant with Hamlet, gave birth to him and realised that from the day he was born, he seemed to want to distant himself from her. He hated the taste of her milk, She described him as 'high-strung', 'quick-tongued', 'temperate' and with a coldness that scared her. He was also an actor who liked to dramatize himself and found agreeable company in that of a 'demented jester'. Later, he went away to some college and resisted, for a long time, to come back and learn the ropes of kingship.

Returned home from his self-imposed exile, Claudius (he was originally named Fengon) began the courtship with the Queen, who, like I said, was lonely and probably unsatisfied in bed as well. With the help of the Lord Chamberlain, Polonius (previously known as Corambus and also father of Ophelia), they started having rendezvous at the faithful court servant's retreat. Somehow, the King became aware of the secret affair and stupidly arranged a meeting to inform his dear brother that he knew about it all and was about to banish him and publicly shame Gertrude for cuckolding him. Of course, Claudius had to do something or face his imminent ruin. He had to kill his brother.

And killed him he did, by pouring poison into his ear while the unsuspecting King slept. The murder was made possible with Polonius' help but kept from the Queen, who, like everyone else, thought her husband died of a nasty snake bite. A month later, she remarried, this time to Claudius. Hamlet returned and was forbade to leave the court as he was next in line to the throne.

The story sort of ended here.

Basically, the novel is a classic (sort of) that is bordering on pornography. The descriptions of 'bed-room activities' were, at best, honest and at worst, obscenely intriguing. Or just plain obscene, depending on your point of view.

Okay back to the 21th century. Why was Elliott voted out? Katherine McPhee has claimed her 2nd victim now. I think Taylor should win because he is really a good singer. "Yo dude, you've got a great voice man!" Gosh! Randy is such a pain in the ass and Paula is simply there to accessorize the show. I still like Simon the best! He has got a cute British accent.

I thought I did not like American Idol.

Everybody wants to break the Da Vinci code!

2006-05-08T22:01:00.000+08:00

But the attempt by the Discovery Channel has been much more successful (at least more interesting) than that by the National Geographic Channel. In fact, the whole 'Secret Bible' series produced by the latter was painfully boring. I gave up after the first episode which, I think, was about the rivals of Jesus. Too academic for me.

Tonight's 'Da Vinci Declassified' by the Dicovery Channel was so much better. And do you know something? It is actually incorrect and silly, if you will, to refer to Leonardo Da Vinci as Da Vinci because 'Vinci' was actually (is still probably still) the name of a town in France where Leonardo Da Vinci came from. So if you call him Da Vinci, it actually means 'the Vinci' or 'from Vinci', neither of which makes sense.

I sidetracked a little. Okay, so why was DC's handling of the issue better than NGC's?

1) It was all presented in a fun and 'interactive way'. By that I really mean more graphics. Oh they actually had someone to create a cryptex and explain to the viewers how it really worked. And guess what? Vinegar does not actually dissolve the papyrus, as suggested by Mr Dan Brown. In fact, the papyrus remains intact even after being placed in a vial of vinegar for a month! So it is either that Leonardo used something else other than vinegar or he never invented such a thing at all. It might be helpful to note that no manuscript on the cryptex was ever found amongst Leonardo's collections.

2) They did not interview Dan Brown unlike what NGC did because they knew if they were going to clear up the mystery of something, it would be stupid to invite someone who came up with the mystery in the first place. Like you would expect him or her to admit it was actually a joke or a farce? Get real!

3) They sought the expertise of a gorgeous art historian whose surname actually had the word 'sex' in it (It was actually 'Sexton' in full) How arousing for a documentary! And she did not seem to be thrilled with Dan Brown and his predecessors' interpretation of Leonardo's works at all. She claimed, for example, that it was common for painters of 'that era' to portray young apostles as effeminate in order to show them being of a lower status than Jesus. Yeah, so John was a victim in a way. He could possibly have been more macho in real life. But considering he was 'very close' to Jesus, wouldn't it leave more room for imagination if he was kinda sissy-looking like Leonardo decided he should be? Yeah I thought so too.

Other shocking facts I got from the documentary:

1). The earliest symbol of Jesus was - guess what?- a fish! That didn't surprise you?

2). Legend has it that the first Merovingian king was fathered by a fish (C'mon, really get real!) And remember what was said about the symbol of Jesus being a fish? Yeah... so the logical conclusion became: Jesus' bloodline found its way into the Merovingians and the Knights Templar was set up to protect this bloodline of his. Of course everyone knows by now that the Holy Grail is possibly not a cup, but something more darrrkkk and siiiinnnniiissssttteeerr! (Background music: something borrowed from 'Dracula')

3). Leonardo Da Vinci could not quite possibly have been the Grand Master of the Priory of Sion because his personality would not have allowed him to do so. In fact, it was speculated, he might actually have had ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). He never finished anything he started out to do. So God help any organisation that he might have led in his lifetime.

4). The Priory of Sion might not even have existed for thousands of years as again suggested by Mr Brown. In fact, it could well have been a creation of three very mischievous little boys. One of them, the mastermind actually, was someone named Plantard who lived in a French town of - guess what again? - Sion! By a stroke of ingenuity, he decided to set up and register an organisation by the name of (oh you are getting so good at this already, aren't you?) the Priory of Sion! As for the Dossier Secrets (which contained the names of all Grand Masters of the Priory of Sion among other things), they could have been a creation of Plantard's partners in crime. Actually, if you will, Plantard was kind of a megalomaniac who thought he was someone special, possibly of royal descent. So he drew up a family tree linking himself to the Merovingians! These parchments were later mentioned in the Dossier Secrets (translation: Secret Documents). And since we have established that the secret documents were in fact made up by Plantard's accomplice, his claim to the throne was just crap.

5). The funny thing is: Plantard, being a megalomaniac as he was, never claimed to be descended from Jesus. Later authors, namely those who wrote the book 'Holy Blood and the Holy Grail', made the connection between the Merovingian dynasty and Jesus. In fact, Plantard openly denied being a descendant of Jesus' because he saw it as a sacrilege, him being suggested as such. So I guess the joke backfired a little there.

6). Plantard's acomplices, Philippe de Cherisey and Gérard de Sede, were surrealists. And surrealists are people focused on the attainment of a state different from, "more than", and ultimately "truer" than everyday reality: the "sur-real", or "more than real". Does it spell trouble for you? Yeah I thought so too. It might also be interesting to note that the last Grand Master listed was an artist named Jean Cocteau. A surrealist too! Guess they were paying tribute to their idol. Oh, by the way, Jean Cocteau was gay. Thought you might be interested to know that =P

7. Remember the space between Jesus and John/Mary Magdalene in the 'Last Supper'? Some say it resembles the letter 'V' which is also a symbol of the female. Others say it is really a 'M' which - guess who? - really refers to Mary Magdalene. Our pretty art historian thought the space was just 'a matter of composition'. Also, to the claim that the second apostle from the right was really a self-portrait of Leonardo himself, our pretty art historian thought it was unlikely that Leonardo would have done something so risky because painters then were just a little more respected than menial workers. But perhaps, Leonardo was different since he was already a master painter by the time he was commissioned to do the mural?

Well, so it was pretty much established that the Priory of Sion was a hoax. Perhaps, the Holy Grail was a cup after all.

Interconnectedness

2006-05-06T21:03:00.000+08:00

I just watched a great movie by the title of 'Bug'. The whole movie was basically about how the actions of one person affect the other and so on and so forth.

For example, A borrows money from B. B goes to dinner with girlfriend but because he has previously lent A some money, there is not enough money for tips. C is the restaurant owner and he takes his earnings for the day (from B and his girlfriend) to the convenience store to buy some milk formula for his baby. And because B has not tipped him, C ends up not having enough money for the milk formula. C's baby ends up crying the whole night, keeping B and girlfriend (who happen to live either above or below C) awake. B and girlfriend end up fighting over whether to have children and the girlfriend is adamant that she does not want any. B ends up with a foul mood and he goes to work with that foul mood of his. B works in a fortune cookie factory, in charge basically of thinking up messages to go into those fortune cookies. And because he is mad at his girlfriend, one of his messages reads: Your girlfriend is lying to you. That gets him in trouble with his supervisor who ends up throwing a fortune cookie at him. The cookie misses B and goes flying through the window and breaks open on the pavement outside. D happens to walk by, sees the cookie and the message. The message reads: You will meet your dream girl today. At that moment, a girl, E comes round the corner, trips and drops some of her groceries. D thinks 'Wow! There she is, my dream girl!' and goes up to help her. But the girl just wants him to fuck off. D is relentless though and finally leaves his phone number with the girl who puts it at the bottom of her bag so that she will 'never ever see it again'. D chases after her with flowers taken from the florist and unpaid for. The florist, F, yells after D. At that moment, G comes by the shop with the intention to buy flowers, only to be chased away by F who mistakes him as another thief. In his anger, G throws his can of drink which hits H who is waiting to cross the street. H naturally gets pisssed and tells I who is coming from the other of the street that he has a 'nice lid'. I goes home and becomes angry with his wife for making him wear that stupid hat and always making him look stupid. His wife, J, throws away their dinner - roasted chicken - in anger. I ends up having to order takeaway from the local Chinese deli instead. And I also happens to buy the last serving of the day's Kung Pao chicken. A woman, K, who has a strange craving for chicken that day is turned away as a result. She goes home sad. Then she smells something and traces the source to the chicken that J has thrown away. She tries a piece and finds it incredibly delectable. A cat comes along at the moment and K shoos it away. The cat gets run down by a car. The driver, L, gets out of the car to check on the cat. He gets a ticket for parking his car at the side of the road, the one of many tickets he has already gotten, issued by the same woman...

I could go on forever but hell, I am not about to do that. Basically, the idea is: Everything is interconnected! How interesting is that?!

Actually I think this movie resembles 'Crash' in its interconnectedness, only it has done it better than 'Crash', in my opinion. So since 'Bug' came out first then probably the producers of 'Crash' got their idea from 'Bug', But 'Crash' still got the upper hand by winning an Oscar. I mean, c'mon, how is a movie with a title like 'Bug' ever going to be a box-office hit? Unless, of course, if it is an animation. Nevertheless, it is still a good movie. Definitely better than MI3 I am sure.

I need something ELSE to occupy me

2006-05-02T22:37:00.000+08:00

So that I can take my mind off admission matters.

There is just this much rejection/ignoring one can take. Beyond that, a lesser man/woman would have broken down. For me, I am just mildly depressed at the moment, with absolutely no suicidal (you probably don't care) or homicidal (did you just heave a sigh of relief?) tendencies.

So I decide to get a job.

No, I am serious. So serious, in fact, I am going for a job interview tomorrow! Okay, in all honesty, it is not THAT kind of job interview but rather a get-to-know-your-needs-and-discuss-my-commission session with a lady at Recruit Express. She sounded like a nice person though. The address given to me was '6 Battery Rd' which I had no idea which part of Singapore that was until I checked it up on Streetdirectory.com. And holy cow, it is at Shenton Way! My power suit is going to come in handy! Just kidding, I am going in jeans and T-shirt. Oh was watching CNA just now and realised that there is going to be a 'lunchtime rally' at Shenton Way tomorrow. Sounds interesting!

Sidetrack a little, both La and I agreed that Glenda Han from the WP is the chio-est candidate in this election and possibly in all elections to date! And Lily Neo is fifty-something? I could never tell! It is kinda freaky though LOL

Talking about rallies... Gosh I think they are more boring than parliament seatings. Some of the candidates (mainly from the opposition parties) have such a poor command of English that it is excruciating listening to them. That is really why I only read the papers. Tuning in to CNA tonight was a bad idea. Low Thia Khiang is the worst of the lot.

And Steve Chia looked serious GAY and.. drunk during his rally. David Gan would have sneered at him and called him a 'pussy'.

MM has said it, 'we are not America', therefore we do not really need any opposition. And we also should not listen to the 'rubbish' uttered by the opposition during their rallies, that is if we could actually understand what some of these guys are trying to say in the first place. Honestly, English sounded like a 3rd or 4th language to them.

Don't believe? Okay try this:

'Or-tear-ri-ti' Guess what it is? AUTHORITY! Genius right?

Okay, whoever said writing is a good form of self-therapy was obviously lying.

No, not that call!

2006-05-01T21:30:00.000+08:00

Okay my ex-tutor just tried to sell me health supplements over the phone, all the while pretending to be genuinely interested in my admission affairs. I think she is involved in some pyramid scheme and she even made an appointment to come down sometime to explain to me the products and show me 'some literature'. God, give me a break!

I think SMU is not inviting me back for Round 3. I said 'I think' because I am not sure since they have yet called me and they said they would call us within 48 hours. The deadline just expired 1 1/2 hours ago. And no call. Courtesy people, courtesy! I know some people have already been given the good news so my chances seem slim now. Urgh! How am I going to finance my studies now? Like what I told La, I have 2 options now. 1) Get a study loan 2) Do some lingerie ads like what Izzie did (What? You don't know who's Izzie? Don't you watch Grey's Anatomy?) Okay I know the answer is obvious but the question is should I do it for Triumph or Wacoal? LOL

I was feeling really depressed just now but miraculously chatting with La over MSN made me feel much better. In fact, a lot better. But you still suck at consoling people, La.

What is hottest election issue now? Nope, it is not upgrading and how it is a basic human right to have lifts that stop on every floor. It is also not foreign policy which includes relation with the neighbours. No one hardly mentions it anyway. It is the Gomez issue, stupid! Whether the opposition is honest and accountable depends all on whether Gomez submitted his minority status application. And who is Gomez anyway? Oh some target the *censored* has found recently because Chee has gotten really boring. He is a already a bankrupt so he cannot be made any worse, can he? Hmm maybe can ask Dubya if there is still room in Guantanamo Bay.

And SMU, please call me! I really want to have tea with the CEOs. Plus I just bought a sexy power suit. You know my number =)

Maybe it is getting better...

2006-04-27T17:54:00.000+08:00

So 2nd round it is!

But there is still the 3rd and the competition is going to get much tougher. Round 2 is going to last 6 hours and I was told I should dress casually, which I always have, first time in ignorance, second time in defiance and this time in accordance with the requirement (yeah, there are going to be 'activities') Keeping my fingers crossed for cute guys, failing that, cute girls. Nay I am just kidding. I am so not gay. I swear. LOL

Just, no more uh... weird essays and discussion topics. I suspect they will though.

Woah it's getting interesting...

2006-04-24T10:46:00.001+08:00

See what I meant when I said any attempt to discredit the all-powerful PAP will only backfire? Not only will you be served letters of demand (that you shut up now and apologise), the whole of Singapore will know that you have and that that you tried to avoid receiving those letters by pretending you were not at home (it is all in the papers, Chee!) And because you have made some very serious and false (only because 'false' rhymes with 'serious' and 'true' does not) allegations against the Lees (seriously, Goh would have been easier to deal), it has thus been decided by the PM that 'elections or no elections, I've to act swiftly' (read: 'those fucking bastards, I'm gonna nail them once and for all!') And this decision is solely made by himself, without his old man prodding his back ('asked if he was acting because MM Lee urged him to, PM Lee dismissed the suggestion') MM Lee, PM Lee, are they actually the same person?

And news flash: our opposition is not of the 'First World' standard! Does it surprise you? (Yeah, I thought they were pretty awesome too!) Okay here is how to run down (not with a car, you idiot!) the opposition, especially if you have the media behind your back/in your control.

1. Invite the opposition to play up one of your blunders, especially one which touches on health, pension or housing. But hey here is the catch: 'they can choose to attack the Government (I have no idea why it is in caps) and its handling of the NKF matter during the election campaign' but 'if you defame us, of course, then you have to take the consequences'. So the trick here is to criticise without making it sound like a criticism. But really, forget it, they have the best lawyers, any accusation made by the opposition can and will be twisted/interpreted as defamatory.

2. As the old adage goes: the best way to destroy your enemy is to destroy it from within. Make them believe that their leader is a desperado, who has nothing to lose and will stop at nothing to achieve his aims (destroying the PAP or be banished from this land forever, whichever happens first) Remind the rest that they have their families, their high-paying jobs (though not as HIGH-paying as the PAP candidates) and most importantly, their reputation with and without which the people will never vote for them. Yeah, supposedly good reputation means more housing upgrades.

3. Question/cast doubts upon the quality of the candidates fielded by the opposition and not be appreciative about the fact that they have managed to field any candidate AT ALL when 1) you have taken the creamest part of the crop 2) you coerce the rest not to join the opposition. Say things like it is good that you have finally found some GRADUATES (adding to the ranks of cabbies, fruit-sellers and naturalised Banglas that you currently have) but no, we are not really sure of 'the quality of their minds' (they may contain the same stuff you find in durian puffs, only less fresh or tasty, possibly from a cheaper variety) Oh and if they happen to find a lecturer (even if it is just a poly lecturer at a not so established poly), discredit this achievement on the fact that there are 'hundreds of lecturers around' and 'when PAP chooses from them, it does so very carefully' (read: Oh that Svlvia woman? Nay, she was booted out in Round 1 of our selections)

4. Feel sorry for the opposition because by fielding their candidates so late in the elections (due to the constraints as listed above), Singaporeans would not have enough time to 'size them up properly'. One of the PAP ministers who actually symphatize with/rub salt into the wounds of* the opposition was Defence Minister Teo who said 'It's unfortunate that they announce them so late, I hope Singaporeans have enough time to size them up properly'.

*Imagine his expression and cross the one that is not applicable

5. Claim that the opposition does not really offer anything new (what else can they offer? You've already stolen their idea of a Progress Package!) and appeal to the emotions of your voters by asking them whether they want somebody else who has not done it before versus you who have been doing it since 1390 BC.

#6. Wear garlands of orchids to 1) complement the blandness of your all white uniforms 2) promote the Integrated Resort that you are building which will probably adopt the Hawaiian theme

# optional and only if your uniforms are white, they are ugly on blue

Oh I am so enjoying this contest.

My life revolves around ELECTIONS* (just to show how interesting it really is)

2006-04-22T09:29:00.000+08:00

* required by law to put them in caps during the election period

Okay I sold my soul at the very end of the last post when I actually said something nice about someone for a change.

I must digress a bit now to talk about a blog which I used to love reading (and its author whom I used to worship alongside the Indian god Ganesha, who/which, pardon my straightforwardness, looks curiously like an elephant) and have since hated both because of its popularity and the emptiness of the contents. More of the former I concede. It is the same thing with sequels to popular films, they almost always flop. Maybe it has to do with the fact that the producers/writers/those punks in charge now realise that they have a bigger following and therefore they have to cater to the 'tastes of the mass' instead of just doing what they want to do (which would be much better, trust me). And knowing how bad our tastes really are, it is no wonder that these sequels flop.

Now back to elections (bear with me at least until May 6, the polling day!)

The Lees are suing the punks from SDA (Singapore Democratic Assholes. No I'm kidding, Singapore Democratic Alliance), who are bold, gutsy but ultimately brainless, for alleging that the leaders knew about the numerous problems (inluding corruption, corruption and more corruption) at NKF, HDB, GIC, CPF... the list is almost inexhaustible but have deliberately covered them up. Of course, the Lees knew about the problems! They were the ones who... No I've said too much.

Yeah anyway, the SDA newsletters containing the allegations were meant to influence people's voting decisions and hope that they would choose a bunch of silly, underhand punks over the ones who can give them housing upgrades, Progress Package (money that is, for the uninitiated), Medisave now covering chronic diseases and in the future, anything from a cough to slight skin abrasion during soccer practice, depending on election needs and many more.. again the list is inexhaustible.

And the opposition is again at the losing end because their newsletters only have a penetration (do they even deserve the word 'penetration'?) rate of 0.0045% (to the furthest signficant number) compared to the weapon of choice (and opposition- destruction) for the PAP, The Straits Times which has a penetration rate of 110% (including internet coverage). So all it takes is a headline like 'SDP faces legal action ove NKF allegations' across the front page for the next couple of days leading up to Polling Day to achieve what the oppostion always wants to do and will never be able to do for the next five hundred years: Crush the other side. Completely. Listen to Confucius when he says: Don't do to others as you would not have them do to you. Even Jesus concurred on that.

So the question is: Why do we still have elections?

1) To satisfy the ego of the incumbent (MM Lee is rumoured to have said that 'Winning elections gives me such a sense of well-being that I think I'm ready to live another 50 years!" much to the chagrin of his son, the current Prime Minister, for the unitiated)

2) To make ex-PM Goh look bad by winning more than 61% of the votes for the next hundred years or until there are no more Lees in the government, whichever happens sooner. I suspect it is the former though.

3) Follows the Lee Family tradition of Sharin' N Suin'. Share the goodies with the goodie-two-shoes (read: people who always support the incumbent and PAP always happen to the incumbent so they always support the PAP) and sue the bastards from the opposition.

And more.

As fate would have it, elections pop up again during my interview with the SMU admission officers. I was torn between whether to be politically correct or incisive and I end up achieving neither by repeating myself and recycling certain words too often. But I really want to go to that school because I really love the glass elevators (is that the correct term for elevators with glass walls?)! Argghh!

Who's the victim here?

2006-04-20T18:02:00.000+08:00

Oh I said I was not going to write any political so I am going to eat my words now.

I was shocked at how arrogant MM Lee was when I read the front page of The Straits Times (a government controlled newspaper. Fuck, every paper in the country is government controlled!) this morning. Then again, anyone who has been controlling the actions, minds and birth patterns of 3-4 million people for the past 4 decades has the right to be arrogant. But no, my point is, surprising as it sounds, MM Lee has been unfairly portrayed as such. He is 0.25% less arrogant in real life. In the report, by a 'senior' political correspondent no less, MM Lee waved off the danger that some Singaporeans, notably the younger ones, have come out of their trance-like obedience to the leading political party and are actually considering the possibility of having someone else (possibly from the Workers' Party) to tell them what to do. In his actual words, '70% of Singapoeans aged under 30 are non-graduates' who 'will be more concerned about their job prospects, training and ability to buy their first home'. In Aldous Huxley's world, these 70% would be the Delta Minuses who do not have the higher brain function to think about revolution/political changes/having someone not surnamed 'Lee' to be at the helm. As for the rest of the 30% 'radical English-educated young', myself inclusive (so what i'm a young radical now? yeah thanks.), they either need to be re-educated (preferably this time using Chinese as the medium of instruction to prevent a similar tragedy from happening) or they need to be eliminated. The decision will be revealed at a later date, probably after the elections when people's defenses are down.

It all started with a stupid TV forum where the MM was to come face to face with 10 young people, 7 of which are journalists, which makes it hardly representative, 2 of which are SMU undergraduates (makes you wonder though, where is the representative from NUS, the university ranked 22nd in the world!?) and the last, I forgot. Anyway, they were told that they could ask the MM any question, any question at all and stupidly, they took it for real. Anyone could see that was a trap. So they happily asked whatever they wanted to ask and thought the rest of us would like answered (okay in all honesty, I want to ask those questions too), while oblivious to the fact that they were being blacklisted with orders to 'make them look like accidents'. Then bam! A punk asked the MM whether it was time for him to step down. It was as if someone (possibly the likes of the evil stepmother in Snow White) placed a curse on the MM such that he will forever have to be the most powerful man in Singapore (in front or behind the curtains) until a little punk comes along and say the magic words 'When are you gonna step down', at which moment, he is finally free!

No wonder the old folks (those born before independence but ironically never independent of the government or its supreme leader whose name I will not mention but if you still don't know by this time, maybe you should consider to just fuck off and die!) say the young kids at the forum were rude. And they are right because everyone knows it is incredibly rude to ask your grandpa when he is going to kick the bucket so that you can have his room which does not face the East and so will not be terribly hot in the morning when the sun comes up. It is the same thing with the MM. He decides when to let go of his son's hand and step down/continue to monitor the latter from behind the curtains. Or some terminal disease decides for him (Praying to God it will not happen. But I am not sure if he will listen to me since I do not believe in his existence). We are still very much an Asian society so do not ever try that again. Ever.

And MM Lee should be credited for being the one who started the trend of showing voters the emotional side of what were once perceived infalliable statesmen. Remember how he cried when Singapore was separated from/kicked out of Malaysia? He was truly a man of convictions and passion. And for Christ's sake, did he not save your grandparents from the communists, Malays from the other side who just loved to see them (and now, you) suffer, as well the British wussies who came back after making sure all the Japs were gone? C'mon, give the man some credit!

There is no actually 'we'

2006-04-19T13:06:00.000+08:00

Okay, it is just me here, alone, living in misery and feeling a need for there to be an imaginary person even when I am really blogging in anomynity. Or am I? Because it seems that no one is truly anonymous on the internet but as long as you are not making any political comments that are deemed damning to the leading (and the only truly existent to the average folks around) political party here in Singapore, you are reasonably safe. So I am safe because I am not going to say things like there is no "level playing field" for opposition parties (they do exist!) or that the PAP is going to remain strong as long as they continue building (or granting permission to build) identical shopping malls and convincing Singaporeans that shopping is all they need, spiritually or otherwise.

For now, an air of suspense hangs over the tiny island city of Singapore (which nearly was going to have an uniquely designed half-bridge to suit it's Uniquely Singapore slogan, courtesy of long time but restless neighbour, Malaysia) because there is but one person in the whole wide world who knows the actual date of the elections and he is keeping it a secret for now! There has been wide speculation among punters and schoolgoers (and their parents) as the latter worry if it would disrupt their holiday plans. Damn they are making everyone so nervous!

I have been told I have a very disruptive way of writing that I like to insert brackets (like this (blar blar blar)) in mid-sentence and they almost always contain stuff that are irrelevent (irrelevant to the sentence that is being disrupted) and could well have been included as a standalone sentence and not used to hijack another otherwise rather coherent, if not exactly well-developed/written sentence. If this paragraph makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to you, then I have made my point across, rather succinctly I hope.

Is it true, however, that God hates fags, more than dykes at times? Or that He liked to laugh and did laugh a great deal before he was crucified (the two things are not correlated in any way, I think) That is the case as according to the Gospel of Judas (I'm a National Geographic Channel fan!) which was labelled heresy by a powerful church figure then and is probably still condemned or sneered at by church figures now. In the Gospel of Judas, Judas was not a traitor but rather someone who helped Jesus (as according to His divine wishes) to release his divine spirit (or something along that line) from his body, for instance, through His death (though arguably not necessarily through crucifixion). And because Jesus supposedly saw his body as a hindrance to attaining divinity or the 'secrets of the kingdom' (don't quote me though), there is no mention of his resurrection in the Gospel of Judas. And that poses a problem for historians, religious leaders and the common folks alike. Because if the Gospel of Judas were true, there will be no Easter (no chocolate eggs! I can't imagine that!) and no Good Friday (one public holiday less from the list of 112 public holidays in our calender. Just kidding, there are only 109) Of course then, the Gospel of Judas is heresy, not a doubt about it. Even if John, Luke, Matthew and Mark (in no particular order) do sound like four jealous disciples/apostles who were not Jesus' favourites, unlike Judas.

Okay folks, that is it for the first installment of 'How to alienate whatever miserable little bugs (excuse me, I mean 'dear readers') that happen to pass by your blog". Thank you for your time and if this blog does not disappear mysteriously over the next few days due possibly to whatever dark forces that I have offended through the course of my writing, then I will post more. For now, ciao!