Maybe it is getting better...

So 2nd round it is!

But there is still the 3rd and the competition is going to get much tougher. Round 2 is going to last 6 hours and I was told I should dress casually, which I always have, first time in ignorance, second time in defiance and this time in accordance with the requirement (yeah, there are going to be 'activities') Keeping my fingers crossed for cute guys, failing that, cute girls. Nay I am just kidding. I am so not gay. I swear. LOL

Just, no more uh... weird essays and discussion topics. I suspect they will though.

Woah it's getting interesting...

See what I meant when I said any attempt to discredit the all-powerful PAP will only backfire? Not only will you be served letters of demand (that you shut up now and apologise), the whole of Singapore will know that you have and that that you tried to avoid receiving those letters by pretending you were not at home (it is all in the papers, Chee!) And because you have made some very serious and false (only because 'false' rhymes with 'serious' and 'true' does not) allegations against the Lees (seriously, Goh would have been easier to deal), it has thus been decided by the PM that 'elections or no elections, I've to act swiftly' (read: 'those fucking bastards, I'm gonna nail them once and for all!') And this decision is solely made by himself, without his old man prodding his back ('asked if he was acting because MM Lee urged him to, PM Lee dismissed the suggestion') MM Lee, PM Lee, are they actually the same person?

And news flash: our opposition is not of the 'First World' standard! Does it surprise you? (Yeah, I thought they were pretty awesome too!) Okay here is how to run down (not with a car, you idiot!) the opposition, especially if you have the media behind your back/in your control.

1. Invite the opposition to play up one of your blunders, especially one which touches on health, pension or housing. But hey here is the catch: 'they can choose to attack the Government (I have no idea why it is in caps) and its handling of the NKF matter during the election campaign' but 'if you defame us, of course, then you have to take the consequences'. So the trick here is to criticise without making it sound like a criticism. But really, forget it, they have the best lawyers, any accusation made by the opposition can and will be twisted/interpreted as defamatory.

2. As the old adage goes: the best way to destroy your enemy is to destroy it from within. Make them believe that their leader is a desperado, who has nothing to lose and will stop at nothing to achieve his aims (destroying the PAP or be banished from this land forever, whichever happens first) Remind the rest that they have their families, their high-paying jobs (though not as HIGH-paying as the PAP candidates) and most importantly, their reputation with and without which the people will never vote for them. Yeah, supposedly good reputation means more housing upgrades.

3. Question/cast doubts upon the quality of the candidates fielded by the opposition and not be appreciative about the fact that they have managed to field any candidate AT ALL when 1) you have taken the creamest part of the crop 2) you coerce the rest not to join the opposition. Say things like it is good that you have finally found some GRADUATES (adding to the ranks of cabbies, fruit-sellers and naturalised Banglas that you currently have) but no, we are not really sure of 'the quality of their minds' (they may contain the same stuff you find in durian puffs, only less fresh or tasty, possibly from a cheaper variety) Oh and if they happen to find a lecturer (even if it is just a poly lecturer at a not so established poly), discredit this achievement on the fact that there are 'hundreds of lecturers around' and 'when PAP chooses from them, it does so very carefully' (read: Oh that Svlvia woman? Nay, she was booted out in Round 1 of our selections)

4. Feel sorry for the opposition because by fielding their candidates so late in the elections (due to the constraints as listed above), Singaporeans would not have enough time to 'size them up properly'. One of the PAP ministers who actually symphatize with/rub salt into the wounds of* the opposition was Defence Minister Teo who said 'It's unfortunate that they announce them so late, I hope Singaporeans have enough time to size them up properly'.

*Imagine his expression and cross the one that is not applicable

5. Claim that the opposition does not really offer anything new (what else can they offer? You've already stolen their idea of a Progress Package!) and appeal to the emotions of your voters by asking them whether they want somebody else who has not done it before versus you who have been doing it since 1390 BC.

#6. Wear garlands of orchids to 1) complement the blandness of your all white uniforms 2) promote the Integrated Resort that you are building which will probably adopt the Hawaiian theme

# optional and only if your uniforms are white, they are ugly on blue

Oh I am so enjoying this contest.

My life revolves around ELECTIONS* (just to show how interesting it really is)

* required by law to put them in caps during the election period

Okay I sold my soul at the very end of the last post when I actually said something nice about someone for a change.

I must digress a bit now to talk about a blog which I used to love reading (and its author whom I used to worship alongside the Indian god Ganesha, who/which, pardon my straightforwardness, looks curiously like an elephant) and have since hated both because of its popularity and the emptiness of the contents. More of the former I concede. It is the same thing with sequels to popular films, they almost always flop. Maybe it has to do with the fact that the producers/writers/those punks in charge now realise that they have a bigger following and therefore they have to cater to the 'tastes of the mass' instead of just doing what they want to do (which would be much better, trust me). And knowing how bad our tastes really are, it is no wonder that these sequels flop.

Now back to elections (bear with me at least until May 6, the polling day!)

The Lees are suing the punks from SDA (Singapore Democratic Assholes. No I'm kidding, Singapore Democratic Alliance), who are bold, gutsy but ultimately brainless, for alleging that the leaders knew about the numerous problems (inluding corruption, corruption and more corruption) at NKF, HDB, GIC, CPF... the list is almost inexhaustible but have deliberately covered them up. Of course, the Lees knew about the problems! They were the ones who... No I've said too much.

Yeah anyway, the SDA newsletters containing the allegations were meant to influence people's voting decisions and hope that they would choose a bunch of silly, underhand punks over the ones who can give them housing upgrades, Progress Package (money that is, for the uninitiated), Medisave now covering chronic diseases and in the future, anything from a cough to slight skin abrasion during soccer practice, depending on election needs and many more.. again the list is inexhaustible.

And the opposition is again at the losing end because their newsletters only have a penetration (do they even deserve the word 'penetration'?) rate of 0.0045% (to the furthest signficant number) compared to the weapon of choice (and opposition- destruction) for the PAP, The Straits Times which has a penetration rate of 110% (including internet coverage). So all it takes is a headline like 'SDP faces legal action ove NKF allegations' across the front page for the next couple of days leading up to Polling Day to achieve what the oppostion always wants to do and will never be able to do for the next five hundred years: Crush the other side. Completely. Listen to Confucius when he says: Don't do to others as you would not have them do to you. Even Jesus concurred on that.

So the question is: Why do we still have elections?

1) To satisfy the ego of the incumbent (MM Lee is rumoured to have said that 'Winning elections gives me such a sense of well-being that I think I'm ready to live another 50 years!" much to the chagrin of his son, the current Prime Minister, for the unitiated)

2) To make ex-PM Goh look bad by winning more than 61% of the votes for the next hundred years or until there are no more Lees in the government, whichever happens sooner. I suspect it is the former though.

3) Follows the Lee Family tradition of Sharin' N Suin'. Share the goodies with the goodie-two-shoes (read: people who always support the incumbent and PAP always happen to the incumbent so they always support the PAP) and sue the bastards from the opposition.

And more.

As fate would have it, elections pop up again during my interview with the SMU admission officers. I was torn between whether to be politically correct or incisive and I end up achieving neither by repeating myself and recycling certain words too often. But I really want to go to that school because I really love the glass elevators (is that the correct term for elevators with glass walls?)! Argghh!

Who's the victim here?

Oh I said I was not going to write any political so I am going to eat my words now.

I was shocked at how arrogant MM Lee was when I read the front page of The Straits Times (a government controlled newspaper. Fuck, every paper in the country is government controlled!) this morning. Then again, anyone who has been controlling the actions, minds and birth patterns of 3-4 million people for the past 4 decades has the right to be arrogant. But no, my point is, surprising as it sounds, MM Lee has been unfairly portrayed as such. He is 0.25% less arrogant in real life. In the report, by a 'senior' political correspondent no less, MM Lee waved off the danger that some Singaporeans, notably the younger ones, have come out of their trance-like obedience to the leading political party and are actually considering the possibility of having someone else (possibly from the Workers' Party) to tell them what to do. In his actual words, '70% of Singapoeans aged under 30 are non-graduates' who 'will be more concerned about their job prospects, training and ability to buy their first home'. In Aldous Huxley's world, these 70% would be the Delta Minuses who do not have the higher brain function to think about revolution/political changes/having someone not surnamed 'Lee' to be at the helm. As for the rest of the 30% 'radical English-educated young', myself inclusive (so what i'm a young radical now? yeah thanks.), they either need to be re-educated (preferably this time using Chinese as the medium of instruction to prevent a similar tragedy from happening) or they need to be eliminated. The decision will be revealed at a later date, probably after the elections when people's defenses are down.

It all started with a stupid TV forum where the MM was to come face to face with 10 young people, 7 of which are journalists, which makes it hardly representative, 2 of which are SMU undergraduates (makes you wonder though, where is the representative from NUS, the university ranked 22nd in the world!?) and the last, I forgot. Anyway, they were told that they could ask the MM any question, any question at all and stupidly, they took it for real. Anyone could see that was a trap. So they happily asked whatever they wanted to ask and thought the rest of us would like answered (okay in all honesty, I want to ask those questions too), while oblivious to the fact that they were being blacklisted with orders to 'make them look like accidents'. Then bam! A punk asked the MM whether it was time for him to step down. It was as if someone (possibly the likes of the evil stepmother in Snow White) placed a curse on the MM such that he will forever have to be the most powerful man in Singapore (in front or behind the curtains) until a little punk comes along and say the magic words 'When are you gonna step down', at which moment, he is finally free!

No wonder the old folks (those born before independence but ironically never independent of the government or its supreme leader whose name I will not mention but if you still don't know by this time, maybe you should consider to just fuck off and die!) say the young kids at the forum were rude. And they are right because everyone knows it is incredibly rude to ask your grandpa when he is going to kick the bucket so that you can have his room which does not face the East and so will not be terribly hot in the morning when the sun comes up. It is the same thing with the MM. He decides when to let go of his son's hand and step down/continue to monitor the latter from behind the curtains. Or some terminal disease decides for him (Praying to God it will not happen. But I am not sure if he will listen to me since I do not believe in his existence). We are still very much an Asian society so do not ever try that again. Ever.

And MM Lee should be credited for being the one who started the trend of showing voters the emotional side of what were once perceived infalliable statesmen. Remember how he cried when Singapore was separated from/kicked out of Malaysia? He was truly a man of convictions and passion. And for Christ's sake, did he not save your grandparents from the communists, Malays from the other side who just loved to see them (and now, you) suffer, as well the British wussies who came back after making sure all the Japs were gone? C'mon, give the man some credit!

There is no actually 'we'

Okay, it is just me here, alone, living in misery and feeling a need for there to be an imaginary person even when I am really blogging in anomynity. Or am I? Because it seems that no one is truly anonymous on the internet but as long as you are not making any political comments that are deemed damning to the leading (and the only truly existent to the average folks around) political party here in Singapore, you are reasonably safe. So I am safe because I am not going to say things like there is no "level playing field" for opposition parties (they do exist!) or that the PAP is going to remain strong as long as they continue building (or granting permission to build) identical shopping malls and convincing Singaporeans that shopping is all they need, spiritually or otherwise.

For now, an air of suspense hangs over the tiny island city of Singapore (which nearly was going to have an uniquely designed half-bridge to suit it's Uniquely Singapore slogan, courtesy of long time but restless neighbour, Malaysia) because there is but one person in the whole wide world who knows the actual date of the elections and he is keeping it a secret for now! There has been wide speculation among punters and schoolgoers (and their parents) as the latter worry if it would disrupt their holiday plans. Damn they are making everyone so nervous!

I have been told I have a very disruptive way of writing that I like to insert brackets (like this (blar blar blar)) in mid-sentence and they almost always contain stuff that are irrelevent (irrelevant to the sentence that is being disrupted) and could well have been included as a standalone sentence and not used to hijack another otherwise rather coherent, if not exactly well-developed/written sentence. If this paragraph makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to you, then I have made my point across, rather succinctly I hope.

Is it true, however, that God hates fags, more than dykes at times? Or that He liked to laugh and did laugh a great deal before he was crucified (the two things are not correlated in any way, I think) That is the case as according to the Gospel of Judas (I'm a National Geographic Channel fan!) which was labelled heresy by a powerful church figure then and is probably still condemned or sneered at by church figures now. In the Gospel of Judas, Judas was not a traitor but rather someone who helped Jesus (as according to His divine wishes) to release his divine spirit (or something along that line) from his body, for instance, through His death (though arguably not necessarily through crucifixion). And because Jesus supposedly saw his body as a hindrance to attaining divinity or the 'secrets of the kingdom' (don't quote me though), there is no mention of his resurrection in the Gospel of Judas. And that poses a problem for historians, religious leaders and the common folks alike. Because if the Gospel of Judas were true, there will be no Easter (no chocolate eggs! I can't imagine that!) and no Good Friday (one public holiday less from the list of 112 public holidays in our calender. Just kidding, there are only 109) Of course then, the Gospel of Judas is heresy, not a doubt about it. Even if John, Luke, Matthew and Mark (in no particular order) do sound like four jealous disciples/apostles who were not Jesus' favourites, unlike Judas.

Okay folks, that is it for the first installment of 'How to alienate whatever miserable little bugs (excuse me, I mean 'dear readers') that happen to pass by your blog". Thank you for your time and if this blog does not disappear mysteriously over the next few days due possibly to whatever dark forces that I have offended through the course of my writing, then I will post more. For now, ciao!