Thursday, May 18, 2006

Where the bloody hell are you?

I have neglected this blog for a substantial amount of time, for no good reason except that other matters, though not necessarily of greater importance, occupied me (well this is hardly a good reason). I am crapping.

Anyway the chick in the Aussie advertisment who said the bloody hell thing, she had droopy breasts LOL! I mean if you are trying to get people to come to your country (your beaches no less), the least you could do is to hire actresses who have more aesthetically pleasing breasts!

Oh this is a really FUNNY video! It is actually a parody of the movie "The Promise" which, as everyone knows, is an extremely boring movie. Visit this site for the clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKksBfhEbHY

What else have I been doing in my absence? I have read a book titled " "Gertrude and Claudius" by John Updike. Ever heard of Hamlet? Yeah this story is written from the adulterous pair's point of view.

Basically, the story unfolds with Gertrude (Hamlet's mother) marrying Hamlet's father (who was also called 'Hamlet', so that really makes our Hamlet 'Hamlet Jr') as according to her father's wishes. Supposedly Hamlet Sr was a great warrior whom Gertrude's aging father deemed as a good successor to his throne (yeah Gertrude being female and unable to make a legal claim for the throne) But the thing is: Hamlet Sr was not exactly in love with Gertrude, marrying her was only a way for greater power. It was actually his brother, Claudius who truly had amorous feelings for the young princess. But alas, because he was only a shadow of his elder brother and deemed inferior to him in every aspect, Gertrude was to marry Hamlet Sr. The loser went into self-exile to places far away from the kingdom, where he learnt useful tips (like 'how to tame the maiden') which he would later put to good use when seducing the lonely Queen.

So since the union of Gertrude and Hamlet Sr was based more on cold calculations than mutual affection, Gertrude felt neglected by her husband who was preoccupied with the expansion of his empire (which, curiously, was really her empire to start with). Much to her chagrin, her husband actually fell asleep on their wedding night without performing his marital duties. Though he eventually made up for it in the morning, the wife would, of course, always remember this humiliation (of being snubbed by her husband on wedding night and he was not even gay!)

Then the Queen became pregnant with Hamlet, gave birth to him and realised that from the day he was born, he seemed to want to distant himself from her. He hated the taste of her milk, She described him as 'high-strung', 'quick-tongued', 'temperate' and with a coldness that scared her. He was also an actor who liked to dramatize himself and found agreeable company in that of a 'demented jester'. Later, he went away to some college and resisted, for a long time, to come back and learn the ropes of kingship.

Returned home from his self-imposed exile, Claudius (he was originally named Fengon) began the courtship with the Queen, who, like I said, was lonely and probably unsatisfied in bed as well. With the help of the Lord Chamberlain, Polonius (previously known as Corambus and also father of Ophelia), they started having rendezvous at the faithful court servant's retreat. Somehow, the King became aware of the secret affair and stupidly arranged a meeting to inform his dear brother that he knew about it all and was about to banish him and publicly shame Gertrude for cuckolding him. Of course, Claudius had to do something or face his imminent ruin. He had to kill his brother.

And killed him he did, by pouring poison into his ear while the unsuspecting King slept. The murder was made possible with Polonius' help but kept from the Queen, who, like everyone else, thought her husband died of a nasty snake bite. A month later, she remarried, this time to Claudius. Hamlet returned and was forbade to leave the court as he was next in line to the throne.

The story sort of ended here.

Basically, the novel is a classic (sort of) that is bordering on pornography. The descriptions of 'bed-room activities' were, at best, honest and at worst, obscenely intriguing. Or just plain obscene, depending on your point of view.

Okay back to the 21th century. Why was Elliott voted out? Katherine McPhee has claimed her 2nd victim now. I think Taylor should win because he is really a good singer. "Yo dude, you've got a great voice man!" Gosh! Randy is such a pain in the ass and Paula is simply there to accessorize the show. I still like Simon the best! He has got a cute British accent.

I thought I did not like American Idol.

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